Lived Experience Forum

[WIP]

I'm not up for a walk @NatureLover .  I'm having trouble calming down. I need to do that before thinking about a walk.

Having a shower is what I'm working myself up to first 

[WIP]

I managed to get out for a walk @NatureLover , but started crying part way through and headed back home. There's a local footy oval near home & there were parents with their kids playing kick to kick and families riding their bikes around. It just set me off. I'm so very lonely and don't see that I'll ever have anyone in my life. I'll be alone forever, no friends, no partner, no family of my own. Being trapped inside is really, really messing with me. 
The only human contact I have is with my psychiatrist & that's not a pleasant catch up, I'm always so anxious in the lead up. I see him 2mrw, to update on the new meds. All I can tell him, is no side effects, but zero improvement. I'm losing hope again.

[Peonies]

Hi @WIP , 

I am so sorry to hear how tough things were today for you. You mentioned you have an appointment with your psychiatrist tomorrow. Besides the meds updates, are you able to talk to them about these feelings also? 

In addition to the forums, you can also reach out to the SANE Help Centre. We have great counselors who can listen and support you. They are available from 10 am to 10 pm Monday to Friday via phone 1800 18 726, Web-chat, or  “Book a Call” with them here.   

Take care 🌺
Peonies 

[WIP]

Hi @Peonies 

Thanks for your note.

I tell my psychiatrist how hopeless and sad I feel, but he doesn't seem to acknowledge that much. The past couple of visits have been about changing medication.

Thanks for reminder of the SANE Help Centre support options. 

I just don't think I can keep going this way, every day is such a struggle, I don't know that it's worth it.

[NatureLover]

I want to say well done for getting out in the sunshine for a walk, @WIP  - that's a great achievement when you're feeling like you do. I'm sorry you were so upset that you had to come home...I can hear how hopeless you feel, I'm really sorry.

For what it's worth, I do think the struggle is worth it - the SI will change to better feelings at some point. But I understand that you can't see any hope right now. 😞

Thinking of you and sending you lots of care...

[WIP]

When will I wake up feeling better?

The dread I feel as soon as I open my eyes is beginning to become unbearable.  I wish I didn't have to wake up & struggle through each and every day.

Life is never going to improve. I'm stuck like this forever, and I don't want to live like this.

[Peregrinefalcon]

Hi @WIP,

I am really sorry to see that you're feeling like this today. We all care about you here on the forums and want to make sure you have the best support you can. 

If you are feeling unsafe, please do not hesitate to phone Lifeline on 13 11 14, or 000 if it is an emergency.

As with Peonies post above, the Help Centre team are here for you too if it would be helpful to have a chat about how you are feeling (1800 187 263).

Take care of yourself - I have full faith in your ability to get through today

Peregrinefalcon

[WIP]

Thanks @Peregrinefalcon 

I'm just a burden when I ring the crisis lines.

I don't want to waste their time.

Besides, they can't help with this hopelessness that I feel. I'm convinced my new meds won't help - I'm treatment resistant major depressive after all. 
Im never going to feel better.

Yes, I will get through today. It's going to be excruciatingly painful, difficult and non stop tears. 
It is not living, just merely existing in a terrible way. It's not worth it. There's no pleasure, feeling of achievement, or worth. I live on my own. Have no friends or family. The only ppl I talk to are my psychiatrist and chemist. Loneliness is really messing with my head. I don't want to be like this

[Sphinxly]

Hey there @WIP,

So sorry to hear you're feeling so hopeless and lonely. Depression can be awful. Although you are not feeling hopeful about the new meds at all, you are still giving it a try. That is everything.

You're not a burden to anyone. The crisis helplines would want you to ring in if they knew you were feeling this way.

In this with you.

Sphinxly

[NatureLover]

@WIP  I can hear how painful and hopeless yesterday felt for you... How has today been?