Something’s not right
My heartfelt thanks to those who took the time to respond and/ or to wish me well here. Your presence meant more than you might know. @soul @Pepsimax @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising @frog
Soul you are so right, one does not 'get over' such things, one has to find multiple ways to live with not just the assault/s, but the betrayals experienced by those around us. Then there is the way our lives change because of what happened to us. So so many things that come from the seemingly one incident that it becomes a mountain, an insurmountable mountain at times. This is one of those times for me. I usually dig through it one shovelful at a time to get to the other side to see if things are any different over there, this time I'm just going to stay here and make a nice comfortable spot for myself to exist in until I can find a better way forward.
To this day i cannot comprehend the insinuations that can be made about a person who experiences any type of personal assault. For years I lived with it, without getting help because the parents denied it happening. I think maybe the vomiting might have made the mother worry about pregnancy 'cos that was the only thing I was taken to the doc for. I can't recall all the details, vaguely recall lots of pills handed out by her, and being even sicker afterwards. But it could have been a possibliity because of what my charts were marked with during prenatal visits when I was older. The things that get done to you without your knowledge hey.
Ah well, life goes on and I'm going to try to make each day a bit more pleasant for myself in whatever way I can. Removing the negative influences of others I dont' want around is going to be part of that! 
I'm still sad, and i'm still quite lost when it comes to understanding how the things I'm supposed to do will actually make me feel better, when they usually end in making me feel worse.
I'd like to see some of these psychs in a few years time, after life has dealt them a few sideways whacks, and when they have developed some of the problems I have, taking their own advise, see how they manage that. I'd like to see that.
Hi @Former-Member,
I am glad to hear you are feeling supported here in Forum Land. 
I agree that it is very hard to understand the attitudes some people have to towards those who have experienced any sort of personal assault. Changing those sorts of attitudes is one of the oh-so-many ways in which I wish I could change the world!
Resting on this side of the mountain for a while sounds like a good plan. There's a time for digging through mountains and a time for being still and sitting in the shadow of the mountain. There are lots of people in Forum Land who will happily sit with you.
It sounds like you have had some experiences of psychs. offering overly simplistic solutions, is that right? I too have had many unhelpful helping people over the years. However, I do know that there are some super helpful helping people out there too. They are much harder to find than they should be, but if you do happen to find one, it is oh-so-worth it!
I hope you have a peaceful evening @Former-Member.
hi @Former-Member i am so sorry you have gone through all of that. i dont have much to add to what the others have already said. i am another who has experienced that form of assault/abuse and havent said anything to anyone until this yr (happened nearly 5 yrs ago now) and only my gp so she could perform a medical exam. so can understand how your feeling, esp with the the surrounding feelings- guilt, blmae, distgusiting and much more. but you are brave and courageous, more than you think you are you have reached out for help and support and thats not an easy thing to do. you are a survivor of something so wrong and i really hope that things will brighten for you. i am here for you if you want to talk at all.
im sorry after reading everything ive forgotten if you hav said if you have supports or not?
this dark and lonely place is not nice and all and although you feel alone physically, we are all here for you. sending lots of hugs and joining with the others to help you through this 
Thank you all so much for taking the time to connect with me here - @outlander @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising @soul @Pepsimax and to those from the other thread and to also to those in the other thread @utopia @Jen1561 @Kurra @Heavenbound your support means a lot to me.
Life sometimes sucks so badly there doesn't seem to be a way to move out of the darkness. I'm so sorry that anyone has to go through stuff like this, it never seems fair or right, or any of the things we're told life will be for us.
Thanks to your support here, and a my own decision to push through, I'm having a couple of much better days. The sadness is still there, probably always will be, but it's not the topmost feeling now, and is not controlling everything else that happens in my days and nights.
It's really hard to push on through and I congratulate everyone of you for doing so every day, sometimes every hour.
Thank you and I hope you have more of what you want in your own days and nights.
Thank you @Phoenix_Rising you are very kind.
I hope you and everyone else can also share in some brighter days!
