Lived Experience Forum

[Adge]

I apologise - this may be very triggering.

This is my 1st chance (feeling almost well enough) - to explain or say why the past 3 weeks have been so rough.

I was sent 3 times to hospital in an ambulance (each as fairly serious).

On the 26th/12/18 (Wednesday) - I made my 1st ever serious attempt at S.

I would have succeeded, unless the ambulance paramedics & police has managed to get me out of the house to resuscitate me.

There were complex reasons & intolerable pressure put on me - that lead to that attempt.

I cannot say why right now, but virtually no one would have been able to withstand that much pressure (continuous malicious mind games).

It is solely due to the efforts of those paramedics & police that I am still alive.

Adge

Adge

[Sophia1]

Dear Adge

I am so sorry that you went through such an horrendous experience.

A very brave post

Thank goodness that an ambulance came and the paramedics were able to resuscitate you..

You might not feel thankful at present and that is understandable..

I hope that the hospital has let your pdoc rooms know even if they are closed for the holiday period.

I also hope that there has been follow up put in place for you due to your living alone..

In the meantime please do not blame yourself or allow negative thoughts to consume you..much easier said than done..

be so very gentle with yourself...

I don't know what to write..I do know how it feels to reach rock bottom..

I do hope that you know how many friends on here do support you...

Keep on writing on here only when you have the strength to do so..

This will ease our minds to know that you are with us..

I am supporting you in spirit if not in presence..

@Adge 

You do matter...you are important to us.💜

[Shaz51]

ohhhhh @Adge, sending you lots of hugs and sitting with you

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge

I wanted to say hello and let you know that I am thinking of you..

This time of year is the absolute pits for so many people...

So very hard when you are going through so much other stuff..

I am very aware that you have so much coming at you from every angle..

Taking time out for self-care is so very important..

Not wanting to disturb you...at the same time wanting you to know that you are thought about..

sending feelings for peace and reassurance...💜

[Adge]

Thanks @Shaz51@Sophia1

Thanks everyone.

Adge

[Adge]

I'm hoping to connect better back into the foroum ASAP.

I will try to catch up on reading posts, as much as I can.

I've been very much out of touch with posts, over recent days.

Adge

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge

Lovely to hear from you..hoping that you have regained some of that inner strength..

take your time in trying to respond...

I am not on here much and find I feel quite drained trying to read so many let alone write anything...

I write to myself and click support when I can.

I look in on yourself and 

@eudemonism

to say hello 

along with a couple of others when able...

happy new year all 💜

[eudemonism]

Hi @Sophia1 i do genuinely care about how you're going. But feel the ups and downs of life you're going through are out of my control. Out of anyone's control really. That goes for everyone also. I've got several regular supports i turn to these days. It's a bummer that I'm always the one needing help, care and support-but it seems to work well for all involved. Some books even say. The one reaching out for help-is actually doing all the helping... I'm hating life really... but I've got my bible... I've got my teacher...

I'm unsure who i am or what i stand for half the time... my mind is always teetering between the two extremes... and the two great perceptions of life...

[Sophia1]

Hello again @eudemonism

I just finished responding to your post on Living with ourselves thread..

You have raised some interesting thoughts here..

You are right in stating that you cannot help my situation..out of your's and other's control on the forums..

You are helping me though in reading my words and responding...taking your time to reply..

Yes also feeling that you are always the one needing help is probably a common feeling...People just don't recognise or acknowledge that...

In reaching out for help you definitely are helping others..

The very act of reaching out for help leads the way for others to see that there is help out there...they won't disappear in a puff of smoke...they will not embarrass themselves...

In fact think of yourself as a leader...the strong one standing up and doing something about your situation..

I know that you mention that you hate life...understandably...I do know though that there will be moments that possibly go unnoticed or forgotten amidst the chaos...

It is those precious little moments that count the most...that is the essence of life...

what I believe to be the meaning of life..

too deep...sorry in advance..

💜

[eudemonism]

Yea @Sophia1 i was listening to a few songs this morning that i thought you might like. Heaven beside you alice in chains. Waiting for the world the angels. And throw your arms around me hunters & collectors.