Lived Experience Forum

[Eden1919]

i am trying so hard but university is so intense and i have been having a lot of eating issues and it is making it impossible to concentrate for long periods of time and also it is messing with my memory and i have tried so hard to control the issues and keep eating "normally" or at least as close as i can but i just cant do it. everytime i even go near food i end up crying and i am always exhausted but i can never sleep and i really am at a loss for what to do. i have already tried seeing someone privately about this but they didnt help at all. there is NO programs for adults with eating disorders in the place i am living like not a single one not even in private. and i really dont know what to do anymore the other problem is that it is also effecting how much water i am drinking so i am constantly dehydrated and it is super draining. i have tried so hard to keep it under control but everything i do is failing and i am just so tired and i dont have the energy to keep fighting with it, i am bearly keeping up with studies and i am just really struggling like i feel like this is a battle i am never going to win not even win but not even a freaking cease fire just constantly fighting and loosing. 

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  Hi Eden1919 I know the feeling well. I am so sorry that you are going through this when you are trying so hard with your studies at uni. I don't have an answer as it is something that is a daily obsession for me and I just live with it. Maybe exist with it is a better term to use.

Anyway just wanted to let you know that I hear you and that you are not alone. Love greenpea xxx

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  thanks sorry it is an issue for you too. i just dont see an end anytime ever like it has been with me my whole life and i just i dont have the energy anymore. i am so tired and i just want to be able to manage and do freaking normal things i am trying so hard to be able to do uni because it is my last chance at any kind of hope of a life and honestly i just dont get why some people can just live and study and work without crying themselves to sleep everynight. the little sleep i do get it filled with nightmares and even just walking past someone who had the same perfume as someone who worked at that place where i got hurt today nearly made me have a panic attack. did i do something awful why cant things just not hurt all the time and why cant i just function and be indenpendent like every freaking other person my age. i am so tired of all the crap i am so freaking tired. 

[greenpea]

@Eden1919  you are much younger than me and I cannot imagine the frustration of having an mi at that stage in my life. Even now at my age it is saddening and debilitating. The lack of being able to concentrate for long periods, hindering further study ....hating my appearance due to medications, Are the two biggies.

Thank god for SANE where we are amongst others who understand the trials that our mental illness's put us through. I don't know where I would be without this board. Take good care of yourself and try not to let the mi drag you down. Love greenpea xxxx

[Eden1919]

@greenpea thanks  i am just so freaking tired and now i have a stupid headache that wont go away even with pain killers i feel like i am going to cry i cant deal with this i have too much freaking work to do.