Talking about not talking

[TheVorticon]

I dunno @CheerBear . Hopefully I can get someone else's opinion on Thurs if I've got my stuff sorted out by then. At least then they'll tell me if I need to rework sections of it or get extra info or anything.

[NatalieS]

Hi @TheVorticon

I hear what you're saying. When things aren't good or I'm struggling, reading self-help stuff, or if someone offers an opinion that they think might help, inside I'm screaming that I need to be in the right head space before I can even do any of that  self-help stuff.  Hope that makes sense...sometimes my fingers run ahead of my brain...So then I feel totally inadequate and a failure and am embarrassed....and I try to remember to move at my own pace.  Sometimes I have days when I'm a total cluster f..ck, or days when I can barely string words together to form intelligent sentences, and then there are days when the whole "adult" behaviour stuff is totally unreachable and totally unfathomable. I think I'm still totally faking it. Be gentle with yourself.

[TheVorticon]

I got 3 messages in on the help chat thingy here today.They were being great, I just couldn't find any way to say anything. Sitting and having a cry while nothing else comes out doesn't really work for text conversations, huh? Everything just feels too hard. If I thought no one would notice if I showed up at work, I don't think I would. I'm at the lowest level of effort yet I can't keep this up.

@NatalieS thanks for your messages, I'm just not really in the right space to reply properly at the moment. I'll try to get back to you sometime.

[CheerBear]

@TheVorticon - hoping today at work feels even just a tiny teeny little less hard for you than the last days you've had.

I get it with the having a cry and nothing else trickiness when it comes to text conversations. So many times I've sat in a nest crying and not talking because my words weren't working at the time. I like to imagine there are people who get it without needing to hear it and who are there without being there, but sometimes it just makes me feel more alone when I can't get it out.

Thinking of you this morning

[TheVorticon]

I've had my head in the sand about work for the past 2 days but have to pull it back out again tomorrow.

I can't do text, phone, face-to-face... What's the point

[CheerBear]

Just checking in to see how you are getting on @TheVorticon. Did you get to the point where you could seek an opinion on the work thing today?

[TheVorticon]

Nope @CheerBear. Chickened out.

[CheerBear]

@TheVorticon - I would say try not to be too hard on yourself about it, but I have a feeling that may be one of those annoying things that sounds way easier said than done sometimes.

I genuinely do hope that you're able to not be too tough on yourself though. I am really hoping for you that things work out soon with work.

[TheVorticon]

I have one goal today. Even if I accomplish nothing else today, I need to ask about the thing.

[TheVorticon]

Success. Asked the question. The answer kind of means that a whole bunch of work that I've done will be wasted, but at least from here the task can eventually proceed. And if I use it as a learning experience then it won't really be completely "wasted".