Lived Experience Forum

[Inprogress]

Thank you for the replies, I'm still struggling with everything though I see the social worker tomorrow. I can't sleep tonight and am very teary. I am struggling with working 7 days and having the kids home 24/7 with school holidays.
I'm feeling let down by my mother who keeps promising to take the kids out and then changing her mind at the last minute. I know I don't have enough support or social interaction as I'm working from home and don't get out much. I also feel like there is no option to get out of this situation with the debt hanging over me. I'm trapped, alone and so sad for my family. I can't even take the kids out for a bike ride and no one else is offering to spend time with them. I feel awful that they have to spend weeks at home with two over stressed parents and a new baby coming soon is only going to make things harder.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Inprogress
It can be so hard to juggle work commitments and kids without support I am a single mama and find it really hard at times to fit in everything that i feel like i should be doing. I also dont have anyone who can help with childcare of to do stuff with them and i try to work around their stuff and usually end up working late at night to catch up to try and spend that extra time with them. A new baby on the way must add some extra pressure but will also be so special too. I had some support and advice from a financial aid through lifeline who helped me to budget and set up plans to survive when i wasnt able to work, they were free and were able to talk to the different companies that i needed help with in organising things.. I'm guessing that the social worker will be in a good position to advise you of services and supports that could be available to you. Am really glad that you are seeing them tomorrow.
I hope that physically you are going ok with the pregnancy (wasnt the easiest or most comfortable time of my life.. never felt like i was 'glowing'). Look after yourself as much as you can to keep up your physical strenghth and wellness so that you can keep on keeping on for you family,
take care

[Inprogress]

Thanks for the reply @Former-Member I can't imagine how hard it must be to be a single mum.
I honestly have felt very little joy in having a baby coming, I don't think I have the ability to be excited or happy about it. It is making me anxious and worried about extra pressure, financially, emotionally and I can't see how I will fit it in or cope except that I have to and am expected to.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Inprogress - when i had my second child i was feeling so awful and guilty because i didnt know if i could handle another baby, if i could make things work with his father and the htought of being 'stuck' not working again and isolated was overwhelming (my relationship had a lot of violence), i was so scared i wouldnt even love my son (i knew it was going to be a little boy - cant do surprises lol). things were hard but some of my fears weren't as severe as i though they were. the routine adjusted naturally and i coped (we also moved when he was two weeks old). Other things didnt change and got worse until i was able to leave when he was 2... in many ways being a single mama is easier now but its still hard.
I think not having a feeling of joy or happiness about the pregnancy is ok and fairly normal. From what you have written i can tell that you are a good mum and want the best for your children and work hard to make sure they are looked after.

[Inprogress]

Thanks, I appreciate your reply

[utopia]

@improgress
Sorry to hear of your struggles - especially at this time when a new baby is on the way.
I'd suggest contacting @PANDA as they are really good with helping mums who are struggling with stress and anxiety.
Also there are community services around who offer free financial counseling. I've used one before.
They can help sort out exactly what is oweing and what you can afford to pay off fortnightly. If you need - they can also contact the companies that you have debts with and negotiate a payment plan with them on your behalf. Maybe ask the social worker about this tomorrow/today. She should have a good contact for this. I know when I used a similar service it really took the pressure off me. It was a huge relief.
I only have one child. And have been a single parent since he was 2 & 1/2 years old. I often bought his clothes at op shops. There are some great op shops with quality clothing. When my son was born - his dad and I bought a cot. My mum bought us a pram. We didn't bother with a change table. I placed a towel on top of a chest of drawers and changed him there or on our bed. We didn't use a baby bath. It was easier to wash him in the kitchen or laundry sink.
Babies don't care about where their clothes are from. My son - now a teenager still wears clothes that his cousin has outgrown. Being older, he understands that money is tight as I'm too sick to work at the moment.
I really hope that tomorrow's appointment gives you lots of resources to access and that the social worker can help reduce some of your stress.
Please know that you are not alone. We are all here at the Forum and will offer you support and understanding.

[Inprogress]

Thanks @utopia

[PANDA]

Hi @Inprogress, 

I'm really sorry to hear things are so hard for you right now. 

It's wonderful you've been able to share some of your story and seek help here on the forums and I hope you've taken some comfort knowing you are not alone in this. Feeling a range of different emotions like the ones you've described is such a normal response, but it's tough when it seems like you have to just cope with whatever life throws at you.

As @utopia said, PANDA is here to help new and expecting parents, and we'd love to talk with you. Every day we chat with mums who are facing similar pressures and they tell us how helpful it is to speak with someone who really understands their situation, who really listens to them and can offer practical support. Our telephone counselling service isn't a once off, but a place you can find continued support for as long as you might need. Please do give us a call when you feel like talking, or ask your social worker to refer you to PANDA. The details of the Helpline are below:

National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Hepline: 1300 726 306 (9am-7.30pm AEST, Mon-Fri). 

You're doing a great thing by reaching out for help, and please know there are lots of options for support out there so you can start to feel better soon.

Best wishes,
The PANDA team.

[utopia]

Hi @Inprogress. How did you go with the social worker? I hope she was really helpful and was able to recommend or refer you to services who could help you.
Thinking of you

[s-jay]

Hey there @Inprogress - I know it's been awhile, we'd love to know how things went when you spoke to the social worker. I'm jumping on here to let you know we are having a session tonight here on the forums about being a new parent and some of the striuggles you have described here. We'd love to have you along - just head over to this thread at 7pm tonight and we'll be chatting with some volunteer peer supporters from PANDA - Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia. Hope to see you..