Lived Experience Forum

[greenpea]

Hi everyone I was wondering if I was alone in my unhappiness at times about being a woman. I would love to step into the role of a man just for 24 hours and see how it feels. I mean to be a man with all the genitalia etc. It would be an interesting and eye opening experience.

Anyway this is what I hate about being a woman.

* Periods

* women's illnesses eg: UTIs (I know men can get them but women are more prone), endometriosis

* menopause

* societies expectations on appearance, mothering (or not), career

* left on the shelf after the age of 50 (not that I really care as I don't want a partner but for those who do it is a very real problem)

* even trivial things like our clothes cost more than mens, shoes etc

* we generally age physically more than men (more prone to osteopriosis)

Just having a grizzle ... oh and boobs I hate my b00bs (wish I had tiny b00bs ....) .... Anyone else want to be a man for 24 hours to try it out and see what we are missing?

[CheerBear]

Meeeeeee!

Actually I think I'd really like for us all to be able to step in to other people's lives and body's for a day. I have a feeling a lot more empathy would be around if that was the case!

Some on my list of grrr about being a woman:
* that that the burden of responsibility for contraception disproportionately falls on us and that the impact of it can be huge
* hormones
* the expectations society places on women as carers
* the way our experiences can be so easily and frequently dismissed as "just being emotional" or "being too sensitive"
* gender-based violence
* my haircut costing more even though it is a style considered a 'men's cut' (that one really irks me!)

With you in your grizzling @greenpea!

[Appleblossom]

Yeah @greenpea 

Clothing: I actually step out in mens clothes a lot cos they were cheaper! My old leathers and jeans and t shirts were for both sexes. I remember choosing the well padded jacket over the looks type. I love my tan brogue lace up shoes. Even buying Asian clothes when I travelled I often chose a "traditional male fabric" as I did not like too much decoration. The added cost of dressing like a woman is substantial, and I no longer buy into it as I have developed my style as frugal and economically as possible.  Later any money was for my children and NOT for looks. At first I worked hard sewing all my clothes which were from female patterns. Here and there I accumulated a few female pieces so overall I dont dress as a man.  

Hormones and Ladies Issues: Hmmm

I really like your point @CheerBear  about imagining oneself in other people's skin or shoes.  Increased empathy and understanding is a good idea.

I believe there are pluses and minuses on both sides of gender experiences ... 

[Hope4me]

Hi @greenpea @CheerBear @Appleblossom 

I thought I'd weigh in on this convo if that's ok.

This topic's close to my heart you guys. When I was growing up, (infancy to toddler) I lived with my grandparents who had boys not much older than me. They became my pseudo brothers who I idolised. When mum came to get me, losing their connection hit hard.

I found myself drawn to male dominated sports/interests and male friends right up until leaving high school. Sexual trauma created an even bigger need to move out of my feminine identity. (My female body I thought was dangerous) All this of course was uncovered during psych visits over time.

Being a boy to me was the missing link in my childhood. It seemed safer and more interesting than being a girl. I was even drawn to girls sexually which I didn't understand then. It makes sense now, but back then confusion ruled.

I figure I've been as close as you can get, apart from the obvious genitalia. It's been a big plus for communicating with both sexes, but has impacted on my relationships somewhat unfortunately.

As for hormones? Yep; that side of things caused major problems for me when puberty hit and then some. Pre menstral, I'd be suicidal and hide away for 24 hrs until it passed. I'm glad those days are over now that menapause is with me.

In my view, it's a man's world; even today with the strides equality's taken, there's still a ways to go. I don't actually agree with complete equality of the sexes as I see it more as a complementary issue...yin/yang.

Being a single entity trying to cover all the bases, (both mum and dad, financial provider as well as keeping the home fires burning) has worn me out. So I appreciate having another to rely on probably more than most. That's the complementary thing I mentioned.

Anyway, thanks for letting me have a rant.

Hope xo 

[Eden1919]

@greenpea  hmmm i woudnt want the full packeg of a mans body lol that would freak me out but i would like the upperhand that is given to them by society and the lack of expectations. dont get me wrong yes there are some and some can be very difficult but there seems to be a lot more for women than men. 

>i hate periods i hate them and the fact that even though my periods are unreasonably difficult to manage doctors dont care because no one does any research into womens health. 

>the horrible side effects of birth control and yet there are no side effect to a condom but women are expected to be uncomfrtable and in pain so that a man doesnt have to wear one. 

> the fact that it is ok for a man to wear jeans and a shit while performing at a concert (ed sheran comes to mind) but if a female did that there would be a big fuss. 

> it is seen as being selfish and up yourself if you are a confident woman and actually like your body or youself

> b00bs suck i would love to be able to run without them

> the gender pay gap

> men never taking anything a woman says seriously

and also something i wonder about is the whole men dont talk to each other about their problems. why not they say society isnt accpeting of it but i dont know any women who would not like a man to talk about his feelings i think it would be much eaiser the only people stopping men from talking to eachother is MEN. no one else minds if they talk. so it is really up to them to do it but yet they dont seem to take any resposibility over this issue. and say they just cant but i really dont understand why not.... i am not trying to be rude that last point genuinely puzzles me. 

[Queenie]

@greenpea  thank you so much for starting this thread! I'd like to be a man for a day, just to say I've walked around in both sets of shoes and had both experiences. 

Don't get me started about the mammaries... back ache from them is intense and unfortunately genetics lent me a bad hand when it comes to body shape (hence the dieting and workouts). Yet the mammaries remain huge and steadfast and there is no getting rid of them unless I go surgical which my GP won't refer me for. Hormones are crazy things also (I mean come on now who really needs to act like Satan's Mistress for a few days every month?). I am over being a woman. Thankfully one of my medications I take has the added side effect of no period, but geez I feel those raging hormones going from the intensity of an adolescent to menopausal (and trust me I am closer to the latter).

But....

Then there is the upside to being a woman. I kind of like the fact I can grow long nails and paint them, have about a gadzillion shoes (I'd put Imelda Marcos to shame) and go to a hair "stylist" instead of a "barber". Besides, there's something warm and nurturing about being a woman. I guess we are born nurturers of others and that is something I wouldn't change for the world. 

[Razzle]

@greenpea  🖐🖐🖐🖐🖐 YESSS!!

Fu€$ing periods !!  The only time they ever came “on time” was while I was on birth control - mother nature decided that it would humour me with out of the blue surprises after that.  I turned 48 a week ago - I’m not having more children, I’m DONE, they can bugger off anytime soon now.  At the moment I’m on blood thinners for a blood clot, and with that comes a period that looks like a slaughter has taken place, it’s bloody heavy and horrible and I feel like I don’t want to leave the house.

I don’t particularly want to experience being a man, but god I’d love if my husband could experience being me during my period in the heat of summer and during one of my downers.  

A few years back my husband had just had a shave and he came out of the bathroom, looked me dead in the eyes and said “I hate shaving, you have no idea what we men go through”.  The words had no sooner left his mouth when he knew he was in the WRONG.  I went bat shit crazy !!  I responded with “when you have to shave your legs, underarms, bikini line, wax your damn top lip and pluck your eyebrows, go through periods, child birth and then menapause, line up for a mamagram and a Pap test - then you can bitch to me about shaving your damn face !!”

He admitted he hadn’t actually thought his comment through before he let it out.

I would love to be able to stand up for myself in an argument without bursting into tears and being so damn emotional, I never see men cry during conflict, they just don’t seem to get that emotional.  I can barely speak 3 words before I dissolve into a blubbering mess.

I’m with everyone else as far as boobs go.  I never had a cute little training bra, I went from flat chested to full on supportive bra over night.  Added to that, my last abuser NEVER left them alone, they repulse me even now.

I do often wonder if I had been born a boy would I have avoided everything that happened as a child.  I do sometimes hate being a woman.

[greenpea]

@Razzleyou made me laugh re 'slaughter has taken place' that used to happen to me constantly in my early 40s until I had a hysterectomy!! and the doc found endo. I have never looked back. Hysterectomy was my friend :).

Thank you to @Razzle @Queenie @Eden1919 @Hope4me @Appleblossom and all the formites who have supported this post. It is comforting that I am not alone 😄 xxx

[Appleblossom]

Even the Apple has too many shoes.

[Alacarte]

Hello ladies 😊. I couldn’t imagine going through what a woman does. 

The thing that p!sses me off about being a man though is size comparison, ED when you hit 40 and being a guy who likes to share his emotions and can be emotional it annoys me when women paint me with the same brush as other guys and don’t get to know me. We’re not all like that. Also the constant talk of footy (rugby league especially) makes me think that most guys are just dumb Neanderthals. What’s wrong with empathy and sympathy and being ‘weak’ emotionally. It makes me and you ladies stronger I say. 

But I agree, i’d not like to be a woman in any society that humanity has dreamt up so far, so thank you ladies on behalf of all men for the things you do and the wisdom you can pass on. Cheers to you!