Lived Experience Forum

[Valiant83]

Evening - I’ve been advised by my coach to give myself a big hug at the end of each day and say positive things to myself … like ‘I’m so proud of you’ to fill myself with some of the love I’ve been giving out to others … I’m finding it hard to be proud, all I seem to think about is the mistakes I made that resulted in my own periods of depression and my son’s Personality Disorder … diagnosed last year and still in a tremendous amount of chaos and pain … hoping to be able to ‘talk’ myself into a more positive frame of mind 

[tyme]

Hey there @Valiant83 ,

Thanks for sharing. I can see the need to practice self-compassion. It's not easy when our minds are often so overwhelmed, caring and supporting others as well as your own mental health.

I had my treating team say something to me of a similar fashion. But rather than hugging myself, it was "How would you speak to your child-self?" I have a huge heart for children. Some of the nasty, negative and unhelpful things I used to say to myself were things I'd NEVER be able to say to a child. e.g. "You're so stupid, you can't do anything" "Why keep trying when you always fail". This helped me to challenge my own thinking.

Maybe this is also something you could try? It's along the same lines.

Good on you for giving things a go, and for even reaching out here on the forums tonight. It's no easy feat 🙂

[Glisten]

@Valiant83 It’s hard. Do you journal? 

[Valiant83]

Yes … have done for over thirty years … the trouble is I just write about all the ‘stuff’ that happens … my challenge is to get my thoughts into a positive frame and then speak those words instead of all the criticisms and judgements that run around my head all day and night. Years ago, I worked with young people, and now mange an NFP, and I’ve been told that when I say something ‘nice’ or complimentary, people think I’m being sarcastic because my voice has an edge to it … I think there’s so much anger underneath, I just can’t get a friendly tone into my speech … even when I try to be positive, the words are difficult to find … how many times can you say ‘good job’ before it starts to sound tokenistic and insincere. I have a good vocabulary, just not a positive one 😁

[Appleblossom]

@Valiant83 

What helped me most is finding things that I genuinely thought were good or alright and not put too much pressure on being "positive" which can even get toxic when it is not anchored in real life experiences in my opinion.

Also with visualisations... often the examples given are just a tool to follow through in one's own unique manner to find meaningfulness.

I am even a little against the word 'positive' as it overly dichotomises feeling states.  I did physics and electronics as a kid and prefer to keep it when talking about electric current etc ... should be banned ... IMHO although I am sure there are great ideas in Positive Psychology.

I also have a son who has MH struggles, and blaming myself or figuring out ... what on earth to do... which would improve things has been a struggle for me.  Everything in life was a struggle.

[Blackbird11]

Hello @Valiant83 

The point of power is in the present moment. We can not change the past as much as we'd like to, we can only create our future by being present in the present moment. We can learn valuable lessons from our past but we are not our past. We are whole and complete and loved in this very moment. I try grounding myself when I get too deep into my past and bringing myself back to the moment. I use positive affirmations and self talk to get through life. Louise Hay has some good examples...“I am in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.” ― Louise L. Hay.

Keep your head up, we're here for you. you can contact us by any means by this page...Contact us (sane.org)

Hope this is useful🙂

[Valiant83]

Thank you @Blackbird11  this is helpful!!