Having been at the hands of parental abuse as a child & adult, I now have intrusive & obsessive thoughts & internal discussions that cause me mental distress & physical illness.
Family members dont want to know about it and even my friends fall silent if I try to discuss the abuse & break down of my parental relationships, let alone whats going on in my head.
I feel very alone with this and without a voice, again.
Please share with my your CPTSD symptoms and whether you can relate.
Let me be the first to welcome you to the Sane forums.
I too suffer from CPTSD amongst other things. Some of this stems from a family member too. I can relate to what you are going through. I don't talk to family or friends about this. I'm not sure if they don't want to know or they don't know how to respond.
Intrusive thoughts can be hard to deal with. It can be hard to stay in the present moment. In fact it can be hard to deal with life in general when all we seem to have are these thoughts swirling around in us. I acknowledge how much this can affect us both mentally and physically.
Do you have any professional supports at all?
Please know that you have a voice on here. We are here to listen and to help. You are not alone in this fight.
I have previously engaged with a psychologist and currently with a counsellor who I havent really discussed this with. Im considering going back to the psychologist.
it is hard to know what support we need and who we go to. Then we have to be able to build a relationship up with that person. I know I find it hard to trust others, you might be the same.
Just on a note, if you put a @ before someones name then they will get a notification that you have mentioned them.
We actually don't have a specific CPTSD section, however if you follow this link you might be able to find threads for your next posts. Your current discussion right now is in welcome and getting started, but if you would like me to move it to another topic let me know 🙂
Feel free to reach out with any questions or queries!
You are not alone and I relate to the things you said a lot. I saw that you are also looking at re-engaging with a psychologist and I hope you do and you find the right fit. That was always a thing for me was finding the right person to speak with.
When I got my diagnosis a few years ago, I felt such relief and validation because I had people telling me I was crazy. I am sorry that your family sucks like that. Mine does too.
My brother started to abuse me when I was 4 and he was 5. My father was an abusive alcoholic with anger issues and my mum worked all the time and also has undiagnosed mental health issues which I think include C-PTSD and bipolar disorder. My mum remarried a person that eventually beat us up because we wouldn't worship him as God (literally). We ended up fleeing interstate and my mum fell off the wagon. At 18 I was working 3 jobs and doing full-time uni. My mum made me leave home when I had my first boyfriend and called me a S--- and common street w----e and told me to f off and find somewhere else to live. The next relationship ended up in SA and stalking.
But then, after moving 15 times in 18 months and taking time to heal a bit, I met my current partner who is a literal angel. He is understanding and listens to me and I can explain everything and I feel loved and supported.
You are in the part of the journey where you are still looking for people that you need around you. That might also require setting up some boundaries with people. My big one is with my family members, I do not have any form of contact with them unless it is healthy. If they cross that line, I tell them that I am resetting the boundary and to come back when they want a healthy relationship. I now only have a surface-level relationship with my father but that is what is least triggering and that is what is best for me. My mother refuses to get help and put all her problems on me (including the surgeons in her hospitals being difficult about wearing face masks in surgery - that was somehow magically MY fault - lol).
I have really bad anxiety and always read waaaay too much into things and it takes time to ground myself. Sometimes I have attacks where I am back in a situation that I was being abused and I need to take the time to remember where I am and how I know that where I am is safe.
When I see people that look like my brother or stalker in public I get really anxious and feel like I am being hunted. Sometimes that paranoia goes so far as to thinking that the people around me are there to help them unalive me. Like, I will be in Coles, see someone that looks like him and then think that the people around me are looking at me and getting ready to position themselves to block me in so that I cannot escape.
I now have a code word with my partner if I get into a spiral. Sometimes, I can't even keep track of my thoughts or put them into actual words and I am just a stuttering mess. Yeah I stutter when I am anxious. I just tell him "pumpernickel" and he knows that I am in my spiral or staring at the bottom of the pit that I am about to fall into and I need his reassurance that I am safe.
When you have had so many different things that have happened to you, it's hard for your brain to sort of work out exactly why we are panicking sometimes and sometimes the things overlap and it is like searching for a needle in a haystack to get back to reality.
I hope that this forum here and the journey of life will give you the support network you need. It is hard finding those diamonds in the rough but I promise you, they are there.
My psychologist has often referred to this site (https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/) which has some good resources and exercises in it which I hope can help.
So in conclusion: hell yeah I relate and it is nice that there are others out there. You are not alone and I am so sorry you are feeling this way at the moment. I hope that you can find new friends that are more understanding or work out different ways to communicate your needs to your friends.
I hope this helps. Sending hugs and love and support.
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