Lived Experience Forum

[SP77]

Hello

I just found this site today through Ru ok page.

I am just feeling very low in the last year or so.

Yesterday I broke it off with my partner and today I am struggling with my whole self.

we were together for almost 5 years. The first 3 were amazing and the last year and a half something in me seemed to change and I can’t fathom what’s wrong with me.

He would be the most perfect man you could meet, and I don’t know why my mind has rejected this relationship.

I was previously married for 14 years with a 12 year old child. That ended by me because he wasn’t a great guy in the end. And then when I found my partner it honestly was so amazing. It feels like I am afraid to be loved or something ?

Today I just feel sad and lost, I don’t feel like I wanted to let him go but something is telling me inside that I need to do this now and figure myself out.

thank you for listening 

[hanami]

@SP77 Hi there!

Welcome and I'm so glad you arrived here today. It sounds like you're struggling with inner thoughts right now. It's definitely understandable to be confused by love and our relationships. I remember when I'd been with my husband for a year or two thinking he was too nice for me. I had a daughter from a previous relationship and he was so good to her. I realised I was just afraid. All my other relationships had been so dramatic and tumultuous. I felt like that's what I deserved. But I ended up marrying him and here I am 27 years later still with him. I'm not saying you should be with your partner. There is obviously something that doesn't feel right. I'm wondering though if you had a talk with him about how you were/are feeling, especially if he is, as you say, the most perfect man. 

What do you think?

Warmest wishes

Hanami

[SP77]

Hi Hanami

I think you are 100% right with how I feel. I do think fear is playing a role here because he is a great person, and my past relationship with my husband ended up being not great (he is an alcoholic and narc). 

We have had many chats which has been great as I have learnt more about myself and relationships over the past few years with some self help and research too.

The past year or so I had broken the relationship off 5 times which I am deeply embarrassed that it kept happening.

he has been supportive and said he kept coming back because he loves me so much, he is invested in me.

This time I said it needs to be final for now as I need to figure things and don’t want to give him hope, I suppose in case I realize that maybe part of him is the cause of my anxiousness or fear.

I didnt want to give him so half arsed relationship as he deserves someone to commit to him as much as he has been with me. And for whatever reason I am trying to figure now I haven’t mentally been able to give him that.

I suppose at the moment time will tell. 

[hanami]

Try not to be too hard on yourself @SP77 . Take each day as it comes and yes, time will tell x

[hluppy]

@SP77 Welcome to the SANE forums and thank you for sharing. I really like @hanami advice. I'm also wondering if there might be a way for you to explore your relationship through some therapy sessions together? Some people find it easier to express what is going on for them when they are with a professional. Just another idea. Keep us updated with how you are going. Wishing you all the best. 🙂