Lived Experience Forum

[TIREDParent]

Hi 

Honestly not sure how I got here, my life just seems so hard right now. 

I know I should feel lucky I have a healthy baby and husband but I feel like life is never enough. Can't afford to do anything, always late with rent and pushing other overdue bills back every fortnight. Just making ends meet most of the time. 

Today we had a fight as I had hoped we could go for a family drive but yet again that requires money for fuel and then the weather gets too hot and we can't live spontaneously so that leads to if you're not happy just divorce me.

I love my husband but he always goes straight to if you don't like it leave. I'm sure he will leave me eventually especially now I gave him a son he doesn't need me for anything anymore. 

I just feel so alone and lost and fed up with life.

I'm always expected to deal with the baby aswell even when I have work shifts I still have to come home and care for him.

I dont know how much more I can take 

[Historylover]

Hello @TIREDParent. I'm sorry things seem so overwhelming for you at the moment. You are just looking for a little light reprieve to show that the struggle is worth it. I'm not surprised you feel overloaded. I live on a tight budget too, and have mastered filling my life with things that cost little or nothing. That way I can afford to give myself a well-earned treat when I need it.

I'd make your spare time enjoying your family paramount. Perhaps go for walks together instead of a drive, join a library, garden...I don't know your interests. Relax, visit family, invite them over, ring a friend...

This may well be bad advice as I don't know you or your situation, but I couldn't let you feel unheard. Take care. Sending best wishes.

[TIREDParent]

Thankyou honestly just seeing someone reply has been so nice I actually feel heard.

I dont buy myself anything ir even have credit cards or ant gym,pool, dinner or TV subscriptions so can't cut anything out of budget just wish I could make more $$ but work is tight too. I'm lucky to get anything.

I often take my son out for walks with pram during the week my husband is "working" at home so never comes I guess I should just stop expecting things and then I won't get disappointed 

[Lila3]

I hear you. Living with minimal funds is hard & it puts pressure on your well-being.

I believe you have a right to tell your husband how you feel. It must be scary or upsetting when he dismisses you with " if you don't like it leave". When people don't give us the response we need it can help to self validate. F or me what helps is telling myself 'all feelings are ok'. And ' it's no wonder you feel upset, a lot of people would feel upset in these circumstances'.

After self validation, I take positive action that fits with my values ie reading ( because I value education) or walking ( because I value health). I hope this helps.

[Gwynn]

Can you build up a support network around you? Mothers, mother in law, friends, brothers, sisters? It sounds like you need some more support than you're getting from your husband.

[Historylover]

@TIREDParent I hear your difficulties, and I wish I could offer more support and ideas to make things better for you. I'm sorry to read of your sadness. I'm sending all good wishes and hope things get better soon. Lila3 and Gwynn have provided some thoughtful ideas. Take care of yourself.

[Paperdaisy]

Hi @TIREDParent I can really empathise with your situation. I really feel how tired you are and I've been there. You can read a little about that here 

Your feelings are valid, despite feeling like you should feel lucky you are still feeling like it's really hard and that is OK, because it is hard! All feelings are valid. Sounds like you are missing that spontaneity of your pre-baby life. I get that too! Is there anything small you can do for yourself to have that? 

As others have mentioned, support is really important. Do you have any support? Have you joined a local parents group? 

It's such a big life adjustment and it sounds like you have the added pressure of financial stress. I'm wondering if you can get some financial counselling to help with your situation? Here are some links that might be helpful PANDA , https://moneysmart.gov.au/managing-debt/financial-counselling  

Please take care,

Paperdaisy 💝

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @TIREDParent , how are you going today 

sitting with you 

@Lila3, @Gwynn , @Historylover , @Paperdaisy , @flybluebird 

[Lila3]

Wow!! I can just image how cosy it would be to have afternoon tea with people who " get it".

Today I've been in a bit of mental anguish. Fearful about my future & doing mental time travel. Never a good idea when you're struggling.

[Shaz51]

looks good @Lila3 

sitting with you having a cuppa with you 

@flybluebird