Lived Experience Forum

[Miranda72]

Hello everyone,

I am new to this forum today and I'm not sure if it's my last resort to find out what resources are out there that are not therapy or counselling based but, physical/actual to promote motivation and connectedness through doing.

I am 50 this year and have been on Work Cover for the past 11 months due to a major breakdown triggered by a toxic work environment and domestic violence.  My partner died in 2019 of a heart attack, 3 weeks after being found guilty of 4 out of 6 charges, so I have grief to add to the effects of what happened to me. We were in regional VIC but, moved to Melbourne with my two adult children in January 2020, six weeks before COVID lockdowns, which meant I have been isolated once again.  Both of my children have Asperger's Syndrome, I don't know anyone in Melbourne and all my other family live in England.

So 11 months ago when I wanted to put my car through a wall, my boss suggested that I should go on Work Cover, which was the right thing to do.  I have a psychiatrist, a psychologist, my GP and a Work Cover agent.  I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder, BPD and depression.

I take my meds religiously, although they are not always successful i.e. sometimes they can make me groggy in the morning, sometimes I can't sleep and mostly only just keep me stable (and that is with medication changes).  I have been admitted for a short time, attended Emotional Management therapy recently and am on the waiting list for DBT.  For the past two weeks I have not had my once a week alcoholic drinks, eaten healthily, gone to bed around 9:30pm and doing my mindful meditations.  So I am trying really hard to be kind to myself and also showering and brushing my teeth each day too.

However, no matter how much I am doing the doctors can't help with my loneliness.  When I started the healthy routine two weeks ago I also managed to get outside and walk around the block for 10 minutes and I was proud of myself.  However, nine days ago I think I had a bout of COVID because I felt terrible.  I did not get tested because I am not at work and I didn't want my anxiety to go through the roof that I would get COVID queuing if I didn't already have it.  I have been self-isolating but, now feel too lethargic to walk.  This has effected me really badly over the last couple of days because I feel I need a friend to motivate me to walk and help me to get my strength back but, I have no friends.

I'm feeling stuck. I had to have three cortisone injections in my right shoulder two weeks ago and keep being told that stress etc. will exasperate the condition.  The surgeon who administered the injection told me that my muscle tissue was beginning to thin out and my shoulder was becoming fibrous because of lack of exercise.  This is playing on my mind so much that I decided to do some research about possible walking groups and maybe some art groups for me to try and connect with others as well as get some exercise but, for someone like me, do you really think there is anything out there.  No there isn't 😞 So I've come on here to see if anyone knows of any formal or informal services in what I am looking for.  I would love to meet others one on one or in a group setting.  Just for my mental wellbeing, it would mean the world to me!

Thank you for listening to my long winded tail of woe.

You are all amazing! 🙂

[Clawde]

Hello @Miranda72  thank you for reaching out, well done 👍 

[Miranda72]

Thank you for your support Clawde. I have my fingers crossed something is out there!

[Gwynn]

Hey @Miranda72 , it sounds like you're doing an amazing job with your self-care, even though you've been dealt a rough hand.

I know what you mean about needing someone to help you keep on top of your exercising - something I used to do before COVID was to go to my local community college for exercise classes once a week in term time.  People missed me when I was off sick, and so I felt like my presence was wanted there.  Your local TAFE might also have a short course or something relating to art. 

Are you a member of your local public library?  Apparently one of the new trendy things is to have a 'walking book club', where you meet every month having read a book and then discuss it while going on a walk together.  They might also have advertisements on their noticeboards about local groups you could try out.

On here, there are the Social Spaces threads, which are a bit more casual and chatty than the rest of the forum, if you'd like to participate there. 

[Miranda72]

Thank you for this Gwynn and thank you for validating my efforts, its made me want to cry. I did look up my local library earlier and the lady said the night thing hasn't taken off so much, which is a shame, maybe there's not much call for it in this area but, I thought it would encourage me to walk there and back as well as mixing with others.  

I'm actually a professional and looking to mix with like minded people but, really conscious of how I'd appear. I know anyone can have mental health issues but, people always seem to give me that look when they suddenly realise why I don't want to be a powerhouse and the reason I want to remain in these types of circle is because I usually get all empathetic towards others less fortunate than myself and this healing process that I'm going through means I can't allow myself to get sucked in by my people pleasing if I'm to get well again.

I do like your suggestion about the social forum on here though.  I will have a look.  Thank you once again for your kindness 🙂

[Mrsomebody]

I know exactly how you feel when you hit a slump like what you have with work socially you go a million miles backwards. It makes it 10 times harder to do anything I used to be really sociable I had a similar problem now it's really difficult. What worked for me is I kept up the walking and exercising although I ride a bike I also walk a dog and I go to busy places although I'm self-conscious I have to remind myself that nobody cares and would actually think I'm brave for doing that by myself. That's a really good way to get back into the game slowly. Anyway best of luck I have the exact same problem right now

[Miranda72]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing Mr Somebody. It's such a gut wrenching experience, so well done for all that you are doing to help yourself! Just keep reminding yourself, one day at a time! The ridiculous thing is, I have a dog that I've never been able to walk because she's too strong for me and my shoulder makes it even more of an issue. Neither of my kids wants to walk with me. Being on the spectrum they just don't understand why I am so deathly slow. I don't have an issue being in crowds, I just feel to frail to be alone.

[Zoe7]

Hey @Miranda72 and welcome to the forum 😁 You have been through a lot in a short space of time and that in itself is hard to move on from on top of that loneliness. The SANE Support Services may be able to connect you with some groups - we are not allowed by our Community Guidelines to mention specifics but if you can connect with them they may be able to help. One thing that did stand out is your inability to walk your dog because of your shoulder. Have you considered getting a dog walker that you could go along with - in that way your dog would get walked and you may find a connection with that person that you could foster and develop.

I did two courses of DBT and it really helped so if you have any questions I would be more than happy to answer them. Is the course in a group setting? That connection and encouragement in such a setting is, in my opinion, vital to get the most out of the course. For those of us that are isolated or on our own, the group setting can help to connect with others.

[Miranda72]

Thank you for this Zoe7 and for validating my situation, you're right, I have been through a lot in a short space of time 😞 However, I will check out SANE... thanks.  As for the dog walking, my son does that. It helps him to keep sane during the times of isolation and lockdown. I get to look after my dog all other times and to be perfectly honest, I think she and I are probably needing a break from each other lol. 

I did the EM therapy through the clinic but, because of COVID, it was group therapy through Zoom and although we've set up a group chat now it's finished, the group seems to have fizzled out.

The clinic are saying that DBT is going to be face to face, which will be a great opportunity to connect with others in the long term. I'm glad to hear you felt you benefitted from it, I'm hoping I will benefit too. After all, what else do people like us have if we don't have hope, perseverance and the thought that these feelings will pass 🙂 It's a struggle but, I'm trying my hardest to not let the dark thoughts absorb me.

Take care and wishing you all the best!

[MDT]

@Miranda72
Welcome. You are among friends here