Lived Experience Forum

[ray_of_sunshin3]

Hi there! 

I recently got referred to a psychiatrist for an assessment of ADHD and the Dr thinks I may have BPD as well. 

I’m 33 years old, have a loving partner who I’m marrying in a week and a son as well as pregnant with my second. 

My partner has suspected that I many have an underlying mental illness for some time now and having this vocalised by someone else has been very hard to process. Looking back it all makes sense but how do I process this likely diagnosis and not hate myself for all of the lost friendships I’ve caused due to this mental illness. 

Feeling a lot of anger at my situation and wanting to feel some hope that things can improve. A week til my wedding and feeling bleak.

[Little_Leopard]

Hi @ray_of_sunshin3 

@unless your GP has specific experience with mental health I wouldn’t take there predictions to seriously. 
I find most GP’s have no idea when it comes to mental health. Many symptoms cross over and may look like a different disorder to an untrained person.

So best to wait and see what the psychiatrist says.

Your worries and questions are common for almost every person who gets any type of mental health diagnosis.

The one good thing about getting a diagnosis is the understanding you get as your learn more about the condition. It also makes you more compassionate and understanding to others. 

There is no downside to a diagnosis. Once you know you can start making your life better. You can start whatever treatment or therapy you need. This will have a snowball effect and also means you can start having better relationships with yourself and the people around you.

[Little_Leopard]

@ray_of_sunshin3 

Also just wanted to add. If you are unsure about your diagnosis and think it might be wrong you can get another referral for a second opinion from a different psychiatrist.

you are absolutely entitled to that.

[ray_of_sunshin3]

Thank you for taking the time to respond. My psychologist thought I might have ADHD and while being assessed by a psychiatrist for that the psychiatrist feels I should get an assessment done for BPD. I’ve been reading a lot about the disorder and it ticks a lot of the boxes for me.

[underthebee]

Hi @ray_of_sunshin3 

Welcome to the forums, and thanks for telling us a bit about your story. It sounds like you're doing a lot of processing, and that can be quite emotionally charged and confusing.

I often think of my behaviour and mental health as a bit of a puzzle, where I try to solve why I may have felt or acted a certain way. Finding out there was a crucial missing piece I didn't see for ages has also left me feeling very frustrated before! At the same time, for myself, I felt a lot of relief in finally discovering that piece, and understanding how it connects with everything else. It took time, but I think I feel a lot more hopeful towards the future with that greater understanding of myself in mind.

I hope that connecting with everyone here helps to brighten your days in the lead-up to your wedding! I'm sitting with you and offering all my support! 💙🐝

[FloatingFeather]

Hello,

Welcome to the Forums. My name is FloatingFeather an I am one of the peer support workers at SANE. It is brave of you to reach out and share some of your story with us. It sounds like you have a lot going on at the moment.

I really feel for you - getting married in a week, having a child plus being pregnant is a lot to deal with already on top of the additional information of a potential BPD diagnosis. I think most people would understand if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment!

As I have gotten older I have really tried to not let the future get to much in the way of my present because I used to do that a lot. I would worry about things that may or may not happen down the track and I started to realise that while I was doing that I was missing out on what was right in front of me at the time. 

Whilst I really do understand your concerns about a potential BPD diagnosis and the feelings that would come with that I would really encourage you to focus on the amazing things you do have coming up in your life very soon. I understand that our minds wander and we can't control our thinking all the time but I would really encourage you to try and focus on your upcoming wedding for now and deal with any BPD diagnosis if and when it is made - it would be a shame if you missed out on the excitement and happiness of your impending wedding 🙂. 

Warm wishes,

FloatingFeather 

[Little_Leopard]

@ray_of_sunshin3 

I see. Seem I miss understood the situation a bit.

It is very brave of you to acknowledge all of this. The fact that you have enough self awareness to know what your symptoms are speaks volumes.

you seem to be very honest about what is happening and the way your mental health is impacting your life. 
that is a massive step in the right direction. Many people never even get to that point.

It is going to be ok. Many people on these forums know what you are going through and they know the struggle.

PS: if you want someone to get notified when you respond then type the @ Symbol and tag them in. That way they will get notified of your response.

[Sarah102]

Hi don't be so hard on yourself.you can also be miss diagnosed like I was.check out cptsd..

We don't have labels just life experiences. Dbt is the best therapy I wish I had it as a child .I think we all should.its all about mindfulness which helps us sensitive people cope and self regulate . There is no medication for bpd. . In the mirror is one book I related too. Marsha linen is the Dr who put DBT therapy into practice. Rember to  be kind to yourself  .one child another on the way. Make time for you every day..

[petrichor]

Hello @ray_of_sunshin3 

exciting times for you to be expecting & soon to married 🙂 I hope you can find some peace in yourself so you can enjoy your special day!

i know there’s a lot of stigma around BPD but as much as I used to hate hearing someone recite this: you’re not your diagnosis. And you’re not. You’re you and people love you for being you. A diagnosis is just some kind of checklist or label that others need to determine the support / medication we need. I always just wanted to fit in. Then i found out that what I thought  is normal, is not. And it’s still a whirlwind a lot! But. I learnt and understand that I know people I knew before my diagnosis and they’re still here. I stayed the same for them, they didn’t see any difference. A diagnosis does not change who we were before. 

[Willy]

@ray_of_sunshin3 
@Sarah102 

Please do as Sarah suggests and check out Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) or one of the other similar Cognitive Behavioural "Third Wave" Therapies. There are a quite a number of these advanced CBT type therapies. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is another well known one. They are all very similar and all make use of mindfulness techniques. They have been proven to be affective in many cases.

In my opinion it is very important to find a therapist who knows what they are doing and listens to what you say without being judgmental or dismissive of your experiences. If you don't feel that they relate to you openly, honestly and as an equal then I would very quickly find another therapist. In my experience it can sometimes be difficult to find good practitioners.

Also please be aware that psychiatric diagnosis is now regarded by many people including a number of people on this forum as more or less useless. Here is a link to an article that may be of interest and you can find plenty more information about this online.

Psychiatric diagnoses "scientifically meaningless" 

Here is a link to a free book that you can download as a PDF document. It is called "Understanding Psychosis and Schizophrenia". Schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are closely related so this book is also relevant to BPD. It is compiled from contributions by more than 20 internationally recognized mental health experts. In my opinion it provides a balanced view of all your options on mental health. You can also purchase the book from Amazon etc for a reasonable price.

Understanding psychosis and schizophrenia 

You do have options and I would encourage you to carefully investigate them. The approach you decide to take could make a huge difference to your life but don't be surprised if you encounter prejudice, ignorance and even ridicule from some people if you start looking at options outside the traditional medical and diagnostic approach.

My own experience, like Sarah's, with "Third Wave" Cognitive Behavioural Therapies like DBT has been very positive.
Regards
Willy