Lived Experience Forum

[bluedog]

Once again my family or i should say my sister on this ocassion have been controlling over me.  While to some it might be a nothing issue to me its important  for me and make my life that little bit better.  She keeps controlling me even to the point of vetoing what i say on fb.  I confronted her on it and she told me that im the worsed in rhe world for how i treat people.  Yet for more than three years i have had to put up with bullying controlling behaviour.  So much hurtful words have been said apoarently mainly by me.  I want my parents and sisters dead.  I want them to feel pain that i have been feeling before they die.  Everytime ive sort help im told to stick to my boundries and everything will be okay.  Its not okay as they call it.  Family dont care rhey only care about themselves.  Have tried suicide that doesnt help theres only two other options to take.

[Jessica101]

Hello, I am really sorry for what you are going through! You are not the worst person in the world, I am sure you are an amazing person! I really understand what you are going through. You are not alone! Even if you think people may not care about you, I'm sure many people do care about you! I really hope everything improves and gets much better for you! 

[Lauz]

Hey @bluedog,

Sounds like a rough time for you at the moment - families can be difficult, especially when you don't feel understood. It also sounds like you have had some fairly strong feelings that have impacted you and we want you to remain safe. I wonder if it might be useful to talk to someone one on one for further support? These are some great helplines:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Perhaps there are some other ways you could communicate what you are going through with your family? Have you tried any other supports like counselling and getting them to come with you? How do others here handle families that may not understand them?

[bluedog]

Theyve come with me to meetings such as with rhe psych and also the social worker.  During these times ive been called a liar for only telling half truths or lying all together.  For the last three weeks ive chatted with lifeline beyond blue and the access line and mecs at the base hospital an hour away that its my fault that theres not a problem to follow strategies to follow mindspot etc.  When 000 have been called on my behave rhey take me to the hospital for rhem to say that nothing is wrong and follow your strategies.  Ive had enough.

[s-jay]

Hi @bluedog - it's great to hear that you are accessing all that support. That takes a lot of bravery to reach out like that, so well done on that and keep going. Do you have an ongoing psychologist or counsellor that you see regularly? And if you do have you told them about your feelings about your family? I read a bit more about your situation in your other thread, sounds like there is a long history there. Sometimes our families are not good for us and as sad as it is, for some people things are to difficult and damaged with their family, and we're better off focusing on our chosen family of friends, neighbours and other supports.

Obviously we are worried by what you said about wanting your family dead/and feel pain. And as stated in the Guidelines we have obligations to make reports if we are concerned that you are going to act on those thoughts and hurt your self or someone else. But we're glad you found us and hope you keep getting support here too. Keep on posting...