Lived Experience Forum

[Angel]

Hi...just a newbie on this site,

I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD and been working for over a year with a trauma counsellor. I have just started seeing this new psychiatrist who believes that I have a Personality disorder based on my personal risk and self harming, poor attachment with my mother as a child and no father figure, as well as due to significant dissociation. I am not impulsive, angry, and have had long standing relationships and been in employment positions for many years prior to becoming unwell and now unable to work. I personally believe the above traits are more due to my PTSD and relationship trauma not Borderline Personality Disorder. I have heard nothing but bad stigma attached with Borderline Personality Disorder. What is the experience of others on the forum diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder?

[BatGuano]

Hi Angel, thanks for posting.

What do you call a dog with no legs?  Anything you want.  The dog won't come when you call.

My point being that if the diagnosis works for you, describes and defines how you feel and live and cope, use it.

Psychology is an inexact science.  Most diagnoses are an educated guess.  There's a big thick book called the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual that tries to describe all the ailments in the World.

And it keeps getting re-written.

Describe what bugs you, worries you, freaks you out, messes you up.  Then work on it the best way you can with the best doc you can find.

I don't mean to sound negative, sorry.  I like to be pragmatic.  I don't like my diagnosis, I'd like to be thought of as a megalomaniac evil genius instead.  Way cool.  *evil laugh*

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Angel,
There have been quite a few posts on BPD or Borderline on thus Forum. I think Che posted an article on it as well.
It is a diagnosis that is especially stigmatising because many people see it as incurable, that it is wholly behavioural and the it is a personality defect.

I think having a diagnosis as Batguano said earlier,, only helpful if you can identify with its description, but also more importantly, the management of any diagnosis. Does medication help? Does therapy work better? These would be useful things to know in any of our journeys.
I have had a few diagnoses come my way, and at different times, they have been accurate. Did I agree with them? Not always, I sacked my first psychologist coz stupid bloke tried to tell me I would b in therapy for years and have to attend his groups as well.
So not a hopeful future from him...gave him the flick and chose someone else.
You are in the Driving Seat, ask your new psych to explain why BPD fits, and how treatment will differ as opposed to being PTSD.
With regard to self harming, have you seen The Icarus Project? They have produced a guide called Hurting Yourself, written by people who have self harmed. It is really practical and hands on.
My view is, what are you wanting from your psych coz you can work together on exploring different views around reducing your risks and improving your mental health.
Hang in there and keep asking questions of your psych!

[chemonro]

Personally I think sometimes people get a diagnosis of PTSD rather than BPD because there's less stigma attached : PTSD isn't seen as being "your fault." 

Just remember that a diagnosis doesn't change who you are in the slightest. As Bat said : work with the description that helps you. 

And remember you are not to blame for abuse or trauma in your past, or the effects it has on you. 

[BatGuano]

The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

[Angel]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I agree there is a stigma attached with BPD and that it is seen as "incurable" by many which upsets me greatly...I know I have some "traits" that could be seen as BPD but I believe at the same time they could be seen with PTSD, Depression or Anxiety hence my aggitation on another "label" being added. I know I have to try let the diagnosis crap go as was stated and just work on my issues whether through therapy or medication but I feel like such a failure with all these labels attached to me!! I guess I am struggling coming to terms with my own mental health.

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Angel,
One of the issues that I have heard about and read about is that BPD is often regarded as attention seeking. However, there has been a lot of work and education done on changing this highly stigmatising and inaccurate view.
Maybe it's worth reminding yourself that you are not a label, and you are not even an assortment or chocolate box of labels, you are a person, first and foremost and you are unique!
Who knows what wondrous things you may yet discover in your journey, but you are already showing others anyway through the challenges of how a diagnosis can make us feel,
Thank you for sharing Angel...

[Angel]

Thanks Alessandra...totally agree...but it does that mean we just accept the "labels" given and be submissive?? Personally I am not and will argue if I do not agree...not that it gets me anywhere!!...As it was previously stated how mental health is placed under the DSM ...do you just agree to keep the peace? as personally I feel I have no voice...and even if I scream this is not heard regardless how loud I am! or I feel in sessions that my voice is over ridden and I end up acknowledging something I do not agree with...I feel manipulated I guess!!!

[Alessandra1992]

Hi Angel, I think in my earlier post I did say absolutely to question why a diagnosis has been given or changed abdcto keep asking. Coz if it aint helping you improve your life then why change the diagnosis. But, being a bit of a devil's advocate, it may be worth considering if a new way of approaching your mi may actaully be a major breakthrough... So much depends on how well your psych works with you...I sacked my psychologist and got myself a psychiatrist who worked with me and not against me. I was able to experiment with my meds and eventually came off them. I would go back on the them again if I needed to as well, but my psych could explore with me that higher doses made me worse, worse than my mi. Couldn't do anything.. Fuzzy brain to say the least.

It took me a while to see his point of view but my group kept suggesting that I follow guidance and so I did..he was the one who suggested coming off the meds..I didn't believe him but he proved to be right..as did my group.

Thank god for my group as they were instrumental in my whole recovery and ongoing personal growth!!

[kristin]

Hi Angel,

Thanks for sharing so courageously.

It sounds like your psych is trying very hard to put you into a box that you don't want to go in, and nor should you. You are not the diagnosis but if you are feeling completely unheard by this person then that is surely going to make you feel less well rather than more? Perhaps it's the psych rather than the label which needs changing?

We have been so schooled to be nice and not argue, but if we don't agree why shouldn't we reasonably express our point of view? If there isn't room for this kind of discussion in the therapuetic relaitonship then is it therapuetic or abusive? Don't be shut up or stuck in a box which doesn't fit. Mental illness is hard enough to come to terms with anyway without being labelled inapropriately and unwillingly.

I've had about 6 diagnoses over the last 35 years - most recently bipolar affective disorder type1 and complex PTSD. Which of these two I have exactly is a bit of a moot point between my psych and I, as I fit into either. We've talked about it. I tend to more readily identify as PTSD to the "outside" world because it carries slightly less stigma. These were helpful diagnoses for me - they helped me to better understand and manage myself and my health. Exactly which label is not hugely significant in our ongoing work in my treatment.

So if it's not helpful don't wear it. Most likely you know yourself best of all.

Kind regards,

Kristin