Lived Experience Forum

[Leroy58]

I have no friends! My ex wife ejected me out of the house just prior to a Laminectomy and then Hip replacement. She had finally returned to work after having 4 kids over 20 years and was earning 200K. A lot more than me as a ptimary school teacher. When asked by a counsellor why she wanted me out she said 'she didn't trust me'. When the counsellor asked why after 23 years of marriage she felt that way, she refused to answer, her friend had told her that she didn't have to say. Fair enough.  I moved to my parents because after 23 years I really only have my family.  My old school father then say's that I'm not a man because I let my wife force me out of my house and he kicks me out because I have to have a laminectomy (fusing Vertabrae together). I could no longer feel my legs and was 8 cm shorter than 6 months earlier. My sister kindly allowed me to move into her house. I have some of my 4 kids visit on occassion. So I needed two rooms on rare occassions. I have now discovered that I was paying 2/3rds of her mortgage and she now also owns an investment property and holiday caravan.

After moving into my sisters I ended up having the Laminectomy  and an emergency hip replacement ( I need the other replaced next year). My principal at school believes that I don't pull my weight.  He arrived whilst I was taking LSL to help my wife establish her company.  I have produced two Australian champions in Long Jump 4 years apart a girl and a boy, both with refugee backgrounds in a school of 300. Neither had been trained before and one is now an Australian record holder.  I had to arrange for funding through Multi cultural organisations and the SSV because they didn't have the money to go.  I have also been directly responsible for over $180,000.00 of capital works grants ( Solar Panels, Water Tanks and refurbishment and upgrade of our irrigation system) and around $20,000.00 in sports related student grants.  The principal was head hunted from private enterprise because of his maths background but has never spent time in the classroom beyond his initial training.  He has worked as an administrator since day one.  I was subsequently forced to take a year leave without pay as he has told me that he will not make life easy for me if I stay. At 57 and with the physical problems that I had no choice but to take the action I have. If I return he will force me to be the PE teacher and place me under intense scrutiny. The person who is replacing me this year is the student that I mentored in his final year of study and is using all the protocols that I had developed.  Apparently they are happy with his work, but when I did it the leadership was unhappy.  They save $38,000.00 when he does it.

I have been under constant doctor's care since October last year due to ongoing issues with my back and hip, and now my other Hip as well.  I have had to start working as a Replacement Teacher to supplement the little money I now have left from the divorce settlement.  My sister has asked me to move out of the house because I have stayed there for 3 years now and she has paid off her house.  I have to give my final answer on what I want to do next year with the school I'm permanently employed at, knowing full well that the Principal is going to try and make my life hell. Why would anyone believe me?  I'm 57, overweight and balding .  He is 40 dresses like a rockstar and lies without blinking. If it wasn't for my four kids I know which route I would choose to take as I'm pretty sure no one would miss me, and  more and more I feel like it might be a good option. 

This is only a very brief outline of the life I have created for myself.  I was bought up to respect others, not to be violent to women, not to tell lies or judge others harshly when you don't know a person's story and I believe in a god and Jesus. I refuse to hurt anyone and will always give assistance when asked.  As a Replacement Teacher I have been told I'm excellent.  As a parent I have been told that I am very good sand loved by my children. My parents say that I am a good and loving child (when they are not medicated). I have helped my sister with so many emmotional issues I have lost count. (Her marriage broke up 15 years ago). I know that I'm a good person and have let myself become a victim.  My self esteem is now so low that any counselling or psychological guidance is pointless. I had to get this off my chest and this seemed like a pretty good place to do it.  Even if nobody reads it now, there will a record of why I might do something that I currently would not do.  Maybe it's just a monthly low point.  To all intents and purposes Psychiatrists and Psychologists say I'm sane because I'm depressed about my situation, but hearing the same old dross is wearing me out.  I think I need a lawyer as well as a psychiatrist because I know that I have had a bad run. if any body has bothered to read this, sorry about the whinge. Hopefully I'll make it through the next month.

 Cheers and god love you to all

Leroy58

[NikNik]

Hi @Leroy58

Welcome to the Forums. It's great to 'meet' you - though I wish it was under better circumstances.

I'm so sorry to hear the tough times you have been going through. You seem like a hard working and dedicated family member and colleague.

I just dropped you an email because I was concerned about some of the things you said in your post, which indicated that you may be having thoughts of suicide. These are painful and horrible thoughts - but they are thoughts which don't have to be acted upon.

You don't deserve to go through this alone. If your feelings escalate, it's really important to contact a crisis service that can assist straight away:

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat
Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling
Mensline: 1300 789 978
If in immediate danger: 000

If you feel up to it, later tonight we will be hosting our weekly Friday Feast where we all just sit around the virtual table, have a chat and relax. Maybe we'll "see" you there?

Nik

[Former-Member]

Hello @Leroy58,

Thank you for taking the time to share your story. It sounds like you are going through a really hard time at the moment.

Just checking in to see how you are going and feeling  

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Leroy58

Sorry to hear your story .. I read everything I can .. others will read it to. Good on you for trying to do the right thing .. I have been saying for a while the issue of MI usually revolves around power imbalances and predatory behaviours ...

Yes too often people get given the flick after they have done a good job .. fail to get recognition and sink into serious depression .. the woman who started the Millenial Choir which puts on a big show every year bringing choirs from all over the state ...suicided ... yet she started a project that has benefitted so many people ... and built confidence and connections and social networks and capital ..

I also worked with an immigrant community .. who were very aggressive and habitual liars .. for good reasons because of coming from extreme hardship .. yet it was not how we treated them ... I had a friend do extra math teaching for them and they thought he was an idiot ...  because he was reaching out  .. nobody likes to be used but its sad that some people's enculturation leads to such behaviours.

What else can I say but please hang in there .. try and sort out your living arrangements .. some people are very materialistic .. and it makes it harder for everybody else.. but I hope you can create some life worth living based on your values.

[Acacia]

Hi Leroy58,

It certainly sounds like you've had a bad run of things. I hope it helped to get things off your chest. I'm sorry to hear that your self-esteem has suffered as a result, but it's encouraging to see that you can recognise a lot of your strengths as a father, son and teacher. I just wanted to ask you not to write off counselling or psychological guidance as "pointless". Even if your depression is a reaction to difficult life circumstances, it doesn't mean you have to go through it alone.

How are things going now? Have the laminectomy and hip replacement helped with your physical health?

[AlienBP2]

Leroy....dontbeat yourself up!
It sounds like your wife has taken advantage of your nature if you took L S Leave to help set up her business and you paid 2/3 of the mortgage can you talk to her about this or is she too self ritghtchess?
If she's on $200k then sounds like she owes you perhaps seeing you have paid more than 50% of morguage?
Maybe you get some legal asvise and talk to a councilor GP perhaps
My best wishes for you AlienBP2

[Appleblossom]

Most people settle ... why dont you work out something with your ex ... maybe its hard when you are in the middle of an operation but when you get a bit of clarity.

the only person I know who walked away from the house saying he didnt want any ... stayed angry and put other women down rather than take his fair share .. it was weird ...

[MoonGal]

Hi @Leroy58, wow, you have a lot to contend with and there is a lot going on for you. So sorry to hear you are travellin' rough. Life can be overwhelming and one thing after another, happens to everyone.

I wonder if you are so in the thick of all the mud weighing you down that it is hard to find any good in any part of your life. Recovery from surgery takes months - and a laminectony and hip replacement and the pain and rehabilitation afterwards is incredibly wearing (not to mention being terribly knocked around mentally by aenesthetic). Are you able to get any excercise at all? Even small amounts of walking, or hydro therapy to help your back and hip? Exercise is a great stress releiver too, pumps us full of good brain chemistry stuff.

Please, be gentle with yourself, it is hard to accept when life goes to the pack and others have taken advantage and things are all awry, but it does and can get better. I learned with my psyche that all situations (and feelings) are temporary and transient and to not act impusively even if the feeling or thought seems 'true'.

You will get through this, it is evident you are a resileint and strong person to have come this far because you are here and reaching out. Consider your hand clasped.