Lived Experience Forum

[Tissie74]

My daughter is here living with me and my husband she’s married but at the momen her husband lives in Sweden I am find her to be so judgemental towards me and my illness, I haven’t worked all week due to my BPD playing with my mind and body. Today she told me I feel sorry for myself then leaves goes out comes back all happy which I don’t respond well to. She lives like a hippie doesn’t help around the house now has another hippie friend staying here, I do t know my husband wants to tell my daughter to leave but she is going back to Sweden in July so don’t want things to be crap between us. I don’t n anymore I have to go back to work tomorrow and I don’t want to....

[Former-Member]

Hello @Tissie74 it sounds like you're having some difficult situations happening one on top of the other. You've done well to reach out here, I'm sure there are others who experience similar home situations and might be able to offer their support. 

I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to have some many upsetting things going on at the same time. 

I'll tag a couple of someones who understand family MH issues who might be better equipped than I am to help. I had to make different decisions to ensure our safety.  I hope you don't mind me tagging you @Faith-and-Hope @Shaz51 . 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Thanks for including me @Former-Member .....

Hi @Tissie74 and welcome to the forums .....

That’s a difficult situation you have got there. It’s awful when houseguests are not polite, and even worse I think when they are close family or friends because it stretches the relationship quite badly.

Telling you how you feel and criticising how you choose to manage your work situation is not polite ...... nor is leaving all the housework to you ..... and it is especially not polite to have a friend of theirs come to stay without asking you first ..... wow.

I have had family behave without respect towards me before, and the best advice I can offer you is to be very polite, but a bit removed ...... if it’s someone being very rude you can be frosty towards them, but mind your manners ..... because it’s a shield for you.

If you remain polite it’s actualy easier to begin asking things like -

“If you are going to leave the door to your room open, would you mind making the bed please ?”

“While you are out, would you mind picking up bread and milk for me please ?”

“Thank you for letting me know how you feel about what I shared with you, but ai am comfortable with my decision anyway.”

Can you see that it’s actually a way to tell her what you want her to do, or not do ? But it is said so politely it is hard for most people to get difficult with you about it, even if they are not comfortable with it. It creates a boundary and let’s them know that you expect to be respected.

You can try it if it sounds comfortable. It worked for me. I hope it works for you too.

[utopia]

@Tissie74. You are in a tough place right now. How upsetting it must be that your daughter doesn't understand your BPD and support you.
I'm sorry I have no advice to give. Just wanted you to know that I hear how frustrated you are.

[Tissie74]

Thank you so much I am actually really low today I even quit my job yesterday