Lived Experience Forum

[jqw]

I hate being caught off guard by certain family members or people who trigger aniexty attacks for example. On my mobile phone i now 7 dyas a week 24/7 have put a diversion to my answering machine on all of these people. My phone doesn't even ring. I get a text saying i have a message from someone who i didn't want to catch me off guard. I NOW CONTROL THE SITUATION. I listen to the message when it suits me and am ready to see why they called; listening to their message,,,, depending on who it was and what the person wanted i then decide on when it is best for ME to speak to this person... I have done this now for 6 months and my biggest trigger has not caused me to have a melt down from being caught off guard that they had the power to but me in a downwards spiral, that often led to being so down for days,,,, 

[CherryBomb]

@jqw, that's great that you found away to manage your triggers. You firstly identified your trigger, then made changes in your life to get on top. It sounds empowering. 

Has anyone else found good ways of managing their triggers? @kenny66 @kristin @kato @Alessandra1992 @BatGuano @Loopy @PeppiPatty would love to hear from you. 

CB

[Rick]

@jqw 

Hey J

Hello my name is Rick.

Love yor post. Love it.

Your exactly right. I infer from your words that you have found that you don't wish to be at the mercy of every trigger that comes along.

This is an approach I take as well. I don't have phone issues. Well not anymore. I did what you've done.

There are some triggers which may not be avoided perhaps be if we can take control then we should, for our own sake.

Avoidance is a strategy which sometimes is the best solution. Some issues only get worse with confrontation. I believe triggers in many instances are is of those.

I remeber when I  was in my twenty's , living a bohemian life in Fortitude Valley. We sometimes woul;d get some real knobs dropping in.

In the end I we all agreed that the only real control you have in life is who enters your house. So we refused entry to people we just did'nt want there. It was empowering.

There was a cost of course. But there always is, no matter what you do, and we decided it was worth the cost.

With nudging from my psych I have used this principle to clear out the toxic people in my life.

The cost has been enormous but in the end my ability to manage the day is more important.

I really get a bit tickled when I come across someone here who reflects back to me something I have done myself. 

Thank you. you've made my day

It is because of this kinda synchronisty that I believe

Hope endures

Rick

[BatGuano]

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@CherryBomb wrote:

@jqw, that's great that you found away to manage your triggers. You firstly identified your trigger, then made changes in your life to get on top. It sounds empowering. 

Has anyone else found good ways of managing their triggers? @kenny66 @kristin @kato @Alessandra1992 @BatGuano @Loopy @PeppiPatty would love to hear from you. 

CB

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My phone accessability is limited.  I don't have a mobile, or even a landline.  I came to dislike the phone ringing, so its stashed away.  I can be reached by email, I touch base with facebook.  But these are passive until I access them.

So its like I can open a door, or close it.  My choice.

[Alessandra1992]

Saying No has helped heaps! Not easy to do but absolutely best path to wellbeing.
The flip side means learning to evaluate soundly as to what I say Yes or No to.
This evaluative process is ongoing as I enjoy being sociable but need to balance sociability with energy levels.
Bit like an energiser bunny..if I flit about I create my own energy and have a lovely time but when bedtime comes I am wide awake and I need to be asleep by 11 ideally..

[jqw]

It took me many years to work out that certain people are huge triggers for me. 

My mother is a huge trigger for me. we were not bashed, we didn't go hungry, she wasn't an addict etc

She simply couldn't show any real affection for us or my father. She didn't ever say she loved us, was proud of us, or even kissed us. There was no affection at all in our house. My parents even had seperate beds. I didn't know any different. 

It wasn't till I got older and meet my ex husband (did 20yrs!!) that I honestly thought how strange their family was. He would kiss his Mum hello and goodbye and he even use to say i love you sis. I confided in my mum about how odd this was. Her response was that is how some families are.

I have always just wanted her to love me and accept me. Hence putting up with her verbal attacks, critising my role as a mum wife etc. Always hoping that maybe this time she will approve. Finally realised this year it wouldn't matter what I did she would still find a way to put me down or ask have I taken my crazy pills or am I off them again.

I speak to her when it suits me. No longer wondering if it is her calling. I also have prepared answers so i can get off the phone from her. Or start the conversatation with, can't talk long have too..... or call just before school gets out saying i have to collect them. Or i tell 1 of my kids when the egg timer goes off i need you to come and ask me for help so I have to get off the phone... 

Is working a treat. Feb 2014 is the last time she will catch me off guard and I am feeling so much better than Jan 2014!

[peace]

I mostly use honesty.

[kenny66]

Hi

One of my best ways of managing triggers is not to go anywhere near social media-facebook etc.which I find very confronting, all that public exposure!!!!. I dont have a landline and my mobile goes straight to voicemail so I can control who I speak to but more importantly when I speak to them.

My MI sometimes makes my behaviour and speech unpredictable, so that is my best way of managing the fact that someone else might find that difficult to deal with. I dont have a fear of leaving home but more the interaction with people that comes about when I do.

So I tend to stick to talking to people who I know are kind, like at the shopping centre, where the nice lady who runs the post office and the shop owners I know,  look out for me. This makes for a small group of people that I know wont set me off about anything.