Lived Experience Forum

[Rick]

The last 6 weeks I have been profounding psychotically depressed. I had not spoken to a soul for 5 weeks.

We tripled my meds but no difference. George wanted me in hospital but as the wards in Queensland are now all locked wards I refused and made it plain Iwould harm anyone who was sent to remove me from my home.

I knew that the only chance I had was to change my environment.

collegue send me a text aboiut a position workng with young people with developmental trauma issues.

Being one to always grasp at straws I sent them a cover letter and sresume. Had an intervieew that week ( all while still being psychotic) and got the job.

Started yesterday.

It did the trick. It broke the back of the psychosis. 

But some issues remain.

I've been having terrifying nightmares that interupt even my drugged sleep and the immersive memorires are out of control.

Profound sadness and weeping continues and I'm really over it.

I thinkk I may require a second therapist. I have never disclosed the incidences in any detail in regard to the horrendous abuse I suffered growing up.

Nor have I really explored the late adoption. I was 4 yo. So many intact memeories.

Unfortunately psychologists arre expensive.

 I  have been self studtying neuro psychology for the last 18 months so I have come to understand at least in the simplest of ways the neurological malformations that are precursors for this behaviour.

There are no pharma interventions though that mitigate this stuff as of yet.

So I begin again. I do still hope for something better. I don't know how to achieve this but I will continue to hope.

Hope may fade and become invisible but I spose that when the clouds eventually part

Hope somehpow endures

Rick

[Alessandra1992]

Welcome back @Rick
Congratulations on the new job, it sounds like it is a position that is all about mental health and working with young people is your forte..Utilising your knowledge of trauma will be soo helpful for the young people and their families,.
Reckon you know exactly the path to follow with finding a new therapist.

Are you eligible for any subsidised psychologist sessions?

Well done for managing through this episode @Rick
Just brilliant that you've been able to do find employment and come through psychosis..

Big hugs if you'd like some!!!

[CherryBomb]

Welcome back @Rick 

I'm so happy to 'see' you again. Glad to hear that the dark clouds - though they are still present - have parted so that you are out of the storm.

Congrats on the new job. I can remember when I was going through a rough time, work really helped to ground me. All well, and good, until things got really stressful, that is. So be sure to minimise the stress that can come along with the job. It sounds like a great opportunity though! As @Alessandra1992 said, no doubt that you will bring a wealth of compassion, and understanding from your own experience.

Happy to have you back.

[kristin]

Dear@Rick 

It is so good to hear from you. I have been worried and really missed you (nor am I the only one). I trusted you would pull through what was going on, and that "the old man" would carry you when you needed it. Sending lots of hugs your way! 

You are so amazing. I'm sorry about the hell and back, and still clearly dealing with huge stuff. The job sounds incredible. Just what you were hoping for. GIven the struggle you are having at the moment have you told your new employer about the PTSD? there may be times when you need space or a grounding word.

The grieving is probably helpful, although no doubt exhausting and feeling never-ending at this stage, there must be SO much grief. Maybe it would help to find another therapist? One who you can disclose and work through those horrible memoried with. Someone who is able to work on helping you build a sense of safety first and foremost (as unimaginable as that may seem), so there is somewhere to return to as a calm base when the arousal/vigilance gets too high.

Even when the weather is a cyclone above it all the sky is always blue, and so your sense of self is there in the darkest of times.

Keep taking care of you my friend.

Hope for light in the darkness endures...

Blessings and kindest regards, 

Kristin

PS I know the others will be pleased to hear you are back. @kato @Ellie @peace @Aonaran @hiddenite @PeppiPatty @Loopy 

[hiddenite]

Hi Rick
Its people like you that show me no matter how bad things get how dark the thoughts there is a reason to fight.
I have spent the past 12 days involuntary committed in a mhu. No way out of this place. Ptsd and anxiety off the scale so many triggers. Lost all hope. But at least I don't have to worry about my safety. They can do that.
Anyway keep fighting I admire your strength.
Take care
Karen

[Former-Member]

Well done, you've made a huge change, am so glad that its working for you. Good luck with your new job and i hope that some of the other symptoms improve over time.

I, like you, have researched the neuro biological effects of trauma and sometimes wonder how it is possible to really recover, but my psychologist remains ever hopeful and it is true that our brains can do amazing things. Even adults brains have some plasticity, perhaps we can rewire and form our own foundations through change and hardwork... we can hope i suppose.

Good Luck

Lisa

[Aonaran]

Heya @Rick ,

Fabulous news.  Really, really, well done!

You move me, Rick.  Thanks for being so real.

Aonaran

[CherryBomb]

Hi @Rick 

We've not heard from you lately.

How are you?

How's the new job going?

I hope you're doing ok. Sending hope, and perhaps a reminder that it does endure.

Cherry