Lived Experience Forum

[petrichor]

Hi @Former-Member 

Thank you. How are you?

Re qlife. I didn't feel well and was in no mind to educate someone who know nothing about trans, gender dysphoria and physical problems afab can have. I talked to Acon this week and there are no services out where I live. I'm just really sad about it all. It makes me really sad. I feel alone.

[Former-Member]

Hey @petrichor, I'm going fairly well thanks, I hope you're going ok 

That makes a lot of sense and I understand sometimes not having the energy or patience to explain things. 

I'm sorry to hear that there aren't services out in your area. I think online communities and connections can play a really valuable role in connecting you with the broader community. Before I was connected with broader community and was quite isolated, I found a lot of comfort online. I'm not sure how engaged you are with people and resources online (besides here of course! 😊), but I can suggest things if you like. If you're into youtube, trans people like Ash Hardell, Chandler Wilson, Kat Blaque and Riley J Dennis I've found good to watch 🌈

Also, this resource from TransHub (an amazing website by the way) might give you some more guidance and ideas for support and finding community! 😊

I might tag some others who may have some other ideas or thoughts for you  @eth @Shaz51 

[petrichor]

Hi @Former-Member 

thank you so much for the links 😊 seeing others lives definitely helps. I try to watch lgbt+ programs or movies when I can. I (fortunately) don't live alone but (unfortunately) my partner is trans/homophobic so I have to do anything lgbt+ related under the radar, which makes it even harder in real life to connect as I'm constantly worried that my partner finds out how I feel & leaves me. 

I have previously looked at transhub and they have great resources. 

How did you progress from feeling alone to connecting online to connecting to the broader community? Did you find a lot of resistance from people in your life?

Take care of yourself 

[Former-Member]

@petrichor I'm sorry to hear that your partner is homophobic and transphobic 😢It sounds like that will make things challenging to be your authentic self.

I think for me, being around accepting people really helped. I felt safest to come out to other people who were queer or trans, or at least in a designated "safe(r) space." For a while I was only out to people who're in the community, and to this day that's where I feel most safe. I usually only come out to others if I think I won't be subject to prejudice.

I found a lot of comfort in places where there were a lot of community members- e.g. particular events, rallies, social groups, venues, etc. Finding and being connected with community was crucial in my own process of coming out and becoming proud of who I am 🌈

Take care and I hope you have a good weekend 

[eth]

Hi @petrichor  thanks for opening up with us and sharing more of your situation.  You are brave to do so and it's great that you're reaching out.  So very sorry to hear about how things are with your partner.  That must place you under great strain at times.  I've asked my adult child to suggest some other resources that might be helpful for you and hope to hear back from them later today.  I have not mentioned your name here or that we're connecting on the forums, so have no fear about anonymity.  I did say you live remotely so probably what they suggest will be online resources.  I know they have developed quite a large online community over the years and that's been enormously supportive in their life.

I hear you about how exhausting it can be to have to explain and educate even the very services that are meant to be there to support queer people.  Sometimes we do have to choose whether it's a hill worth climbing.

Take care, practice self-care when you can, and know that you do matter and you have support here.  

[petrichor]

Hi @eth 

That is truly wonderful! Thank you so much 😊 

I will write back later, I'm in creative mode x

[eth]

Hi again @petrichor and to others who may find this info useful.  The suggestions from my adult child (who is f to nb transgender and had top surgery in 2019) are :

Transgender and Gender Diverse Families Australia (includes partner relationships);

Western Sydney trans support group (depending on where you are there are similar groups online for many places);

Online peer groups for whichever state you are in;

PDF resources for partners on Rainbow Families website (you may find a specific one that speaks to your situation).  

A family can be partners, doesn't have to have children.

They went on to say :   There is space and love for you somewhere, you will find it. You deserve that. And to be known for yourselves ... and articles by trans people who talk about their partners, podcasts too.  But also, no one other's story will be the same as your story.  

A lot here that can be found googling.  

Hope any of this is helpful for someone out there.

[eth]

HAPPY MARDI GRAS EVERYONE!!!!

@outlander@petrichor@Former-Member@Shaz51@Schitzo   not sure who else is around these days.  Please tag others and spread the word.

      WE RISE!!!

[petrichor]

Happy Mardi Gras 🌈

@eth and everyone else. 

Did anyone get to Mardi Gras events? I hope you all had a good time whether out or at home.

I just stayed home and couldn't really celebrate or watch anything, it's more a sad time for me that I can't join in and there's a lot of shit talk doing ok around me at Mardi Gras time which upsets me. 

[petrichor]

Hi @eth 

I'm so sorry not to reply to your last post. I did read it and very much appreciate you talking to your child and the information they shared. It's been hard the past few weeks, but I'm keeping safe and distracted. One moment at a time x