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20-08-2022 03:07 PM
20-08-2022 03:07 PM
Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
I'm confused whether I'm in one. He said I'm abusive though. I know I've done some things that could be considered that but I've been really careful not to do those things now.
He seems like he has BPD though. He overreacts big time. He causes a huge argument over the smallest things and in the past I've reacted badly but I'm learning to not get emotional and just stand my ground.
Just feeling very confused about the situation I'm in. I know it's an unhealthy relationship but I feel like it's not all me. I want to fix things but I'm confused... I think he's more than half the problem and there's no way he'd admit it...
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20-08-2022 05:58 PM
20-08-2022 05:58 PM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
@Cinderella83 yes it’s common for people with BPD to get into abusive relationships because of the codependency and unhealthy attachment issues.
There is a big problem when someone is doing abusing behaviour but refuses to acknowledge it as such. From what you have said I think you are saying your are both abusive. Is that what you said? It’s good that you want to work on your behaviour but by the sounds your parter is refusing to admit his own behaviour which is going to be an issue.
by the way BPD is not an excuse to do abusive behaviour. Abusive behaviour is a choice. If you or your partner feel to angry or heated you should walk away. That is the choice you should make. Abuse inly leads to more abuse and more paid and it will make the BPD symptoms worse
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20-08-2022 09:45 PM
20-08-2022 09:45 PM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
That's a really interesting and also pretty interesting question. My understanding is that BPD is largely caused by abusive relationships during developmental times. How that translates into current relationships, has a large range of variable factors. A huge range.
It might be worth having a talk to 1800 RESPECT to appraise your situation.
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21-08-2022 06:50 AM
21-08-2022 06:50 AM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
Hi @Cinderella83 , I don't know the answer to your question, but I'm going to tag @BPDSurvivor and @tyme , who have great insight.
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21-08-2022 08:37 AM
21-08-2022 08:37 AM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
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21-08-2022 08:55 AM
21-08-2022 08:55 AM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
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21-08-2022 03:16 PM
21-08-2022 03:16 PM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
I'm glad you're making contact with the right people. Super glad, actually. A big factor of relational abuse, in developed countries, around these days, is the smallness of our communities (like nuclear families and the like). For that reason it's important to "reach across the fences" in order to look after each other.
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21-08-2022 04:09 PM
21-08-2022 04:09 PM
Re: Are people with BPD more likely to get into an abusive relationship?
From experience, setting boundaries when things are smooth is the best way to go @Cinderella83
When either party is triggered, it's definitely not the right time to set up boundaries.
If both want the relationship to continue, it is about setting some boundaries that can be agreed upon by both, so that when a difficult time does occur, these boundaries will be at the fore front.
For example,
- When I am angry, give me time. You can text me, but I may not read the messages at that time.
- When you are angry, I will walk away. Please give me space.
- When we have both calmed down, we can talk about what has happened and what we can do next time.
These are just some examples I have found which have worked. It doesn't necessarily mean you need to go by these.
All the best, tyme
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26-08-2022 11:13 PM
26-08-2022 11:13 PM