Lived Experience Forum

[Maggie]

@TheVorticon  ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[CheerBear]

Listening @TheVorticon and caring (though understanding it might not feel like that)

🙁🎮 (not sure what other emoji would work)

[TheVorticon]

Thanks @Maggie @CheerBear and those under the support button.

I had a session with psych on Thurs after an 8wk break. He suggested next session in 4wks but I managed to tell him I wanted it to be 3wks instead although it was really hard to confirm when I had to say it a 2nd time. I wish I'd never met him in the first place . 

[CheerBear]

Seriously tricky @TheVorticon. It would be so much better if that relationship was more helpful for you

[TheVorticon]

Yeah @CheerBear 😞
I've been trying to be open about the problem but it seems like he's not used to clients that have this sort of problem. I'm thinking I just need to go into every single detail and lay it all out and see if he at least understands what I'm saying... and then I dunno. It just really hurts, even though it shouldn't even matter.

[CheerBear]

I think it's completely reasonable to lay it all out and see what he understands (if he understands even) @TheVorticon. Is that something you'd do?

It does really hurt and it does matter. These relationships can be so influential (in my experience).

[TheVorticon]

I think it's something I'll have to do @CheerBear. I've brought up bits and pieces and thought he'd be able to understand between the gaps... but if he's not familiar with this then I really need to say a lot more.

I keep writing stuff out in preparation but I'll have to say it verbally (because we made a giant mess of the last thing I gave to him in writing).

I'd like to feel more secure in the "relationship" (as gross as that word is) and I think if I know that he knows how I think of him, and it doesn't make him terminate, then maaaaybe it could help? If he knows what it brings up for me when he suggests once-a-month sessions (which is still way better than "whenever you want to book" to be fair) and doesn't find it needy and disgusting... I dunno.

[CheerBear]

Hi @TheVorticon. I'm sitting here imagining what it might be like to think of him that way and to have 'it' (am trying to avoid saying the relationship word but can't find a suitable fit :face_with_rolling_eyes:) bring up stuff as it does. And trying to imagine what that would be to sit with and how tricky it could be to put it out there and hope it helps. Very jumbly and huge to even think about.

What you wrote above sounds so clear and so understandable.

For what it's worth, I don't think you're disgusting (and I am pretty confident I wouldn't be alone here), though I get it can feel like you are.

[TheVorticon]

Yeah I couldn't think of a different word either @CheerBear . There probably isn't one. :face_with_rolling_eyes:

I'd always heard the idea that if one person has a certain experience, then it's likely that a lot of people have had it... So I find it a bit weird that no one's raised it before with my psych. Maybe what's different about me compared to his other clients is the history of when I used to see him... So that's what I'm going to have to talk about with him. He doesn't really remember much of it which could be an advantage or a disadvantage. 

It's hard preparing for the discussion, but it's also hard to go about the rest of my life knowing that it's unresolved and unprepared-for. There's so many ways to structure the discussion and I want to pick one that will maximise the chance of a positive outcome... Which means maximising his ability to listen to what I'm saying without getting defensive (being careful about wording to avoid too much blaming, in case I overshoot the standing-up-for-myself mark), and being clear and not leaving out details about events, thoughts, feelings. 

I started writing a draft but got too emotional... At work instead of working . 🙁 

[TheVorticon]

Also thanks for saying that you don't think I'm disgusting.