Lived Experience Forum

[Lilith79]

I have BPD and I know it stems from childhood abuse. My mother was abusive to me in every way possible. Anyhow, it's affecting my current relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years. We've lived together for the last 4.5 years. I'm not always honest with him, I don't mean to be, but I still do it. I don't always explain myself well when we're talking, all of this driving him nuts. I am on the waiting list for the local DBT institute, but what can I do in the meantime? I don't want to lose him.

[Surfbird]

I understand your frustration at this situation, I don't really have a solution as such, but there are free podcasts and info about dbt and bpd as well, try to learn as much as u can, understanding why we behave certain ways has helped me to change some of those problematic behaviours, but still it's no magical solution, I've found it quite challenging, good luck @Lilith79 

[JasJac]

@Lilith79 i am sorry to hear of you child abuse history.

you've done well to be living with your partner for 4.5 years! as @Surfbird mentioned there DBT skills training manuals, books on relationships and apps that you can try, there may be couselling from relationships australia, GP referral that may be helpful if you can access these.

all the best  

[BlueBay]

Hi @Surfbird

I’m sorry about your BPD as a result from childhood abuse. 

I too have BPD and I was abused as a child too. 

It is really difficult with relationships. Im married and have been for 32 yrs. but it’s the last 9 yrs since all my stuff came out that our relationship has changed. I get very angry when we talk. He doesn’t understand my mentsl illness. I lose my temper quickly when he doesn’t get me. And then I get in an emotional. 

Is it poss you could fit your partner down and chst to him. 

Good luck. 

[Lilith79]

@JasJac Honestly I think the only reason we've lasted this long is that he often kept his issues to himself. He didn't want to fight with me, so he just didn't. He doesn't understand how I can do these annoying things and not know why. He'll call me impossible because of it.

The other reason we're still together is my kids. My youngest 2 are almost 17 and 15. He loves them and doesn't want to deal with losing kids he cares about again.

I can't get help from anything in Australia, I'm actually from the US, but I couldn't find anything from there that is a support board. I hope it's ok for me to be here.

[Lilith79]

@BlueBay I've been this way our whole relationship. I've been this way for well over a decade. I was married for 13 years and I believe my BPD is part of the reason that ended. I'm so tired of this affecting my relationships.

[BlueBay]

Hi @Lilith79 relationships are really tricky. 

Take care. Xx