Lived Experience Forum

[TIg]

I think you are probably right. Especially in relation to my dad. I just feel a piece of be is gone. Don't really know what to do.

[Appleblossom]

@CA1I can remember not being able to focus or getting unusually nervous signing documents when I had felt a lot more capable and logical and confident before kids and a string of deaths. 

Grief is huge, learn and google about it. Develop a grief-work that is appropriate to you and your dad's relationship. It is never done ... as we have an ongoing relationship in our minds and hearts with the dead person ... as we mature and little memories come and go ... we gather insights ... and they become part of the memory we hold.

I prefer non-religious approaches ... as I was told my dad was in heaven too much as a kid .. and there was no conversation that actually made sense ... so I just felt fobbed off ... but now I enjoy many aspects of liturgy and sacred music that help me stabilise my grief.

There is a "Centre for loss and bereavement" ... worth looking at ... as we look at the relationship and the death ... some people have a wake ... to celebrate a life ... some dont drink ... it may help to choose a few small symbolic acts and physical objects (I framed lots of photos.) saved somewhere ... and get on with your life and return to thinking and processing your grief naturally ... bit by bit.

I hope you fiance is not too impatient. A partner also goes through a lot when they start a relationship and become a parent ... as  @TIgcan tell you.

I think grief has been pathologised a bit in our pill popping society ...

@utopia and @pip had really good ideas and suggestions.

@TIg You might start to see bit of your dad in your son. Sometimes that helps the grief work ... I liked to see my nephews big feet ... it reminded me of my brother .. its weird little particular things that help ...

I do get a bit annoyed when people are to glib about saying when one person dies another comes to take their place ... and its the circle of life ... it can be a bit circular ... but there are feelings, thoughts and memories to be worked through.

I used the term grief-work deliberately ... it is WORK ... it takes energy and time ... and I hope you both recognised for doing work by your loved ones.

Take care

[CA1]

Thanks for your thoughts Appleblossom and to everyone who has responded.  They are very helpful.l  I have to say I still don't really know how to work through the grief - I wish there was I clear procedure but it' s obvious that there is none and it's different for everyone.  My thoughts go out to everyone in a similar position. My Mum is now seeing someonw new who is lovely but now I'm almost forced to be friends with his children.  I'm sure they are nice people but am I the only one who feels this situation is too soon?