Lived Experience Forum

[Arizona]

I'm in a really bad way. I'm not looking after myself at all. I have been online too much and it has affected my mental health in a negative way. I didn't see it coming. I wish I had paid attention to the signs. I have been in bed all day and I'm not eating or showering or cleaning my teeth. I have been drinking some water but not enough. And I haven't fed my Pug today. I will do that now. I don't understand why I let myself get this bad. I have never been this bad before. I think I must be blaming myself for something. I think I'm being extremely hard on myself like I'm punishing myself. I don't even know how to explain how I feel but I'm a mess. I wish I could be more loving towards myself. I wish I could look after myself. I'm not sure if I'm making any sense and I'm finding it hard to write. I'm not having any suicidal thoughts; I'm just severely depressed. I'm going to feed my Pug now and then I will have a shower. 

I have just realised something. I think I have let myself get like this because I haven't been wanting to face my problems. I think I have been running away from them by going online too much. It has all been too hard to face. I think I'm struggling with the changes in my life and I think I'm afraid of the future. 

[Arizona]

I called Lifeline but they weren't helpful. I'm so lonely. I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm really at my lowest. 

Okay, I'm going to have a glass of water and feed my Pug, and then I will have a shower. 

[Arizona]

I took my Pug for a walk. I could because it's such a warm night.

I opened up the windows and let some fresh air into the house. I have been stuck in here for days.

I'm going to see if I can find something to eat now and then I will have a shower. 

I'm so lonely and sad.

[Arizona]

I made a salade niçoise. I didn't have any green beans so I used asparagus. I didn't really like it. I think I'm sick of salade niçoise.

I put a treatment in my hair and had a shower. I might watch one of Ediya's Reiki videos now.

[Arizona]

My goals for today are:

Go to the supermarket.

Take my Pug for a walk. 

Feed my Pug.

Do my affirmation in the mirror.

Make chilli beef. 

Make vanilla chai.

Drink water 

Have a shower.

Take my vitamins and antidepressants.

Put the recycling bin out.

[Appleblossom]

Hey @Arizona 

I just logged in and saw your posts.

Its hard when we are on our own.  The day in day out monotony can really get me down.  You actually do a lot of good self care, and so a day here and there is not that big an issue.  Go easy on yourself.  We cant be perfectionist in "care".  It is a much more organic and human process, of accepting the "warts and all" of our inner and outer lives.

Hope your pug enjoys his walk.  He is lucky to get them.  I have had to use the "essentials" as a guide in life to get my butt moving.  Yep water and for human and dog.

I wondered why you chose Arizona for your new name?

Re time lag in responses, I log on and off at random times, as I need to get off puta more.  Probably same for others.

Take Care 

Apple

[Owen45]

Sorry to hear your situation, thanks for sharing. I am in bad situation too, but just got to cope as best I can day by day, no one to look out for me.  Just got to accept my situation.  Regards, Owen.

[Dimity]

@Arizona @Owen45 yes day by day we move forward. I feel for your struggle right now, you're doing it tough. So glad you have your faithful pug @Arizona I hope your supermarket shop includes a treat or two for them.. I lost a cat and the survivor is having some behavioural issues, our furbabies pick up on things. And glad you have your piano @Owen45 .

I hope you can breath some light into the afternoon and know that someone cares.

Dimity

[Arizona]

Hi @Appleblossom ❤

Yes it is hard being on your own. I talk to myself all day like I have Alzheimer's. I'm  lucky to have my Pug with me. He has just joined me for a cuddle. 

Yes I agree: doing the basic essentials like going to the supermarket, showering, and walking my Pug makes a difference to my wellbeing.

I'm trying to limit my time online too.

[Arizona]

I did my affirmation in the mirror. 

I went to the supermarket.

I bought my favourite organic chocolate.

I fed my Pug. 

I made a cream cheese dip with onion and chives.

I made vanilla chai.

I put on a load of washing and hung it out.

I've been drinking water.

I took my vitamins.

"I love and accept myself exactly as I am."