Something’s not right
Hi @Powderfinger 
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So much of what you say is relatable to me.
@Powderfinger wrote:...
I'm.tired physically, mentally and tired of life. My heart is tired...
They always add a BUT. There is no BUT for me. It's a statement if truth with no BUT. Most people are just absolutely not listening and they don't hear a thing. They really don't.
I'm withdrawing more and more. I'm even tired of the same old conversations I've had over many years.
My head will not allow me to see anymore therapists. I'm tired of that too. I'm tired of the revolving door that goes nowhere. I'm tired if the wasted time and money that goes into it. I'm tired if not getting or going anywhere. I'm tired of the suggestions for therapy. It's like it's the only answer people have to everything. I've tried. I don't have anymore try in me for it.
...
I am not interested in the psychobabble and any therapist getting inside my head to pick it apart. Why would I when gaslighting has been such a huge part of my life? Newsflash, not every therapist should be a therapist.
I'm tired of looking around for the "right one". I'm tired of internet searches, phone calls, mental health plans, medication reviews, hearing the same things I've heard for much too long, therapists simply just not being fit enough to be able to help me.
...
Animals are treated better when they are hurt and need recovery. It seems humans are of a different treatment. I lost any sense of hope to be had.
...
I might as well understand that I'm marked the too hard basket for however long I have left.
All of this is very relatable.
I, too, am very concerned about the overabundance of terrible therapists in the industry. While there have been some impressive new measures proposed recently to remedy many of the mental health's many, many failings, I haven't seen any measures proposed to help identify and remove bad therapists from the system.
The only thing all the recent government reports, ect. seem to say over and over again is that they want to inflict a lot more mental health training upon the nation's workforce. But you can't train someone to have compassion. It's not the sort of thing that's inherited from a textbook. You can teach someone to fake it, but you can't teach them to have it.
As you say, an awful lot of people love to gloss over the problem with claims that: "Differant therapists work for differant patients. If you just keep seeing therapists over and over again, eventually you'll find one that actually works." But I just can't help but suspect that this dismissive attitude is being used to cover up an abundance of therapists who just don't work for anyone. I mean, how would anybody know? Does anybody actually keep track of how many patients any given therapist has who benefits from that therapist's treatment? If a given therapist had a track record of zero helped patients, would anybody be aware of it? Or would all her failures be chalked up with: "Oh well, no therapist can help everybody who comes to them for help!"
I spent 7 years trapped with one therapist. Sometimes they hold you for that long, or longer. It's not as simple as just "going to another one" if you don't have a way out of the arrangement your already in. And by the time you finally escape such an ordeal, your just so sick of it all that you can't justify the risk of diving in to that same nightmare all over again.
And from my time, I can say with reasonable certainty that the "Differant therapists work for differant patients..." excuse doesn't apply to my case. My therapist didn't want to help me. She had no intention of helping me. It was not a question of style, or even lack of expertise; it was a question of her being a terrible therapist with a self-serving agenda.
I wish we could get some serious official acknowledgement of the horrendous plague of terrible therapists within the mental health system. Currantly, all we seem to get is downplaying, denial, and outright silence on the topic.
I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'll never go near the system in it's present incarnation. Likewise, when I did turn to it for help many years ago, all it ever did was harm me terribly.
But I'm still trapped in a crap life and I still need the help that I hoped I was gonna get when I went to the system all those years ago. So I guess I still keep an eye on what's going on in the (probably vain) hope that the government (or somebody) will start up a new service to help people fix their crap lives.
The only alternative is to just sit around and wait for either cancer or a massive heart attack to show up and get me the hell out of here. I guess when you strip away the veneer of pie-in-the-sky delusions of hope, that's really all I'm doing, anyway. Still, that's a bitter pill to swallow, you know?
It actually kept me awake for several hours last night, the reality of never getting to see anything good in my lifetime; the reality of being trapped. I find myself being struck with that same terrifying insomnia more and more often as the years go by, and timely hope becomes more and more implausable. I expect this will be a rough year in that regard.
@Powderfinger wrote:I would NEVER date anyone that works in the field in any capacity...
Lol! I don't think you need to worry, mate. I've always gotten the impression that they aren't interested in people like us at all. 
@Powderfinger wrote:Unfortunate barely it means I can have less friends in life, less people who want to be around me because of my decisions. I'm still dismissed. I'm not allowed my beliefs.
Yeah, I can relate. Except in my case it wasn't so much because of my decisions but rather who I am. I just couldn't understand them, couldn't understand what they wanted from me. So I wasn't a very useful puppet for them. I always used to wish that they'd just print me out a precise line-by-line script of what they wanted me to say and do, so there'd be no confusion and we'd all be a lot more satisfied. It never happened, of course.
Add to that the fact that they were really horrible people, which tainted all my interactions with them with increasing bitterness and unpleasantness... I'm fortunate that they finally seem to have stopped harassing & exploiting me. I'll always be tormented by the question of what rewards might've come had I been a better puppet for them, but rationally, I know that the chances of anything positive ever coming out of that situation were effectively nil.
@Powderfinger wrote:As far as I'm concerned, the system doesn't make people better, it makes people worse with a very possible view to never getting better.
So very true. And believe me, you and I are not the only ones saying that. Not by a long shot.
