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Something’s not right

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Casual Contributor

No judgment please

Hi, I'm a first time poster here. I'm not really sure how to go about all this. 

Anyway for the last 2 weeks almost my mother has been staying with me and my partner due to her leaving a domestic violence relationship and having no where else to stay (she was staying at her mothers but a psychologist recommended they not live together because her mother is mentally and emotionally abusive). She was not meant to be staying here forever we made an agreement for two weeks but now it's getting close to the end of the two weeks her plans keep changing and now she has no idea where she is going she also has 4 animals she needs to house. I feel horrible even saying this because she is my mother and she looked after me until I was 14 until she left to be with her partner, but now me and my partner are trying to start our lives together and build something cause we are getting to the ages where soon we want to start a family and I just feel like I cant have her living with me forever it's just going to cause to much stress on us. My mother and I suffer from anxiety and depression she also has her own disorders she deals with I havent been diagnosed properly yet but I feel like if we are around each other to much we will start triggering each other and make us worse, since shes been staying with us all I think about is her, is she okay? , what does she need, will she be leaving ? Which I feel awful for cause no ones helping her out but me. And we live out in the Bush and rent off a friend and we dont have much water at all we get is 1000 litres a week for showers etc it's just not ideal with 3 people. The whole situation is stressful because I feel like if I put my mother first I'm neglecting my relationship but if I focus on my partner I'm abandoning my mother it's so hard and I feel like I have the right to live my life and be happy and build my own life but I dont want her to hate me for it. It's been causing me so much stress and anxiety I just dont know what to do.

6 REPLIES 6
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Re: No judgment please

@456789  Hey 456789 and welcome to the forums. If it were me I would be sitting my mother down and drawing up a plan to having her move out. Two weeks isnt long to get ones self together after leaving an abusive relationship. She is probably still dealing with all the emotions of it all. Yet I do unterstand you concerns too..... yes I would as I said above have a long term plan for your mum. Help her find a place near by to you so she feels she isnt being deserted and you feel that you are there for her when you both need each other.

 

 

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Re: No judgment please

hello @456789  and welcome to the forum 

sending you understanding hugs 

It is hard to find that right balance sometimes 

your mum does need more time to find her own feet after what she has been through but like @greenpea , you and your mum and partner need to have boundaries set up so you can all survive 

not sure what you living setup is or how big the house is 

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Re: No judgment please

Hi thankyou so much for the advice
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Re: No judgment please

Hi, thankyou so much for your advice and taking your time to read and reply
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Re: No judgment please

@456789  Just a listening ear and welcome from me. 💕💕

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Re: No judgment please

@456789 @Maggie @Shaz51 @greenpea 


I feel for you with your dilemma. It's understandable that your mum may still be dealing with the trauma of a domestic violence relationship. I agree with the others that you need to set some boundaries and plan for the future to help your mum gain independence and also help you as well.

 

Your mum and you may benefit in seeing a psychologist to help talk through your challenges and set up some strategies to also help your mum step forward in her recovery from a violent relationship.

 

You can find more support at https://www.1800respect.org.au where you can chat online or if you want to speak to someone call 1800737732

 

 

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