Lived Experience Forum

[misstiramisu]

I've been feeling depressed for a few months now and it only seems to be getting worse. I get angry with my (online) friends because I believe they won't make time for me, I feel lonely constantly, I'm anxious and I have these bad thoughts that I can't stop no matter what I do.

I'm a 24-year old woman diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder who still lives at home. My mum has severe depression and my step-dad works all the time so I can't ask either of them to take me to see a psychologist. I don't have a phone either so I can't call a hotline.

I'm really scared I'll end up doing something terrible if I don't get the help I need.

[Acacia]

Welcome to the Forums @misstiramisu.

It sounds like you’re in a really tough place right now. It must be hard to feel supported in the family situation you describe. It’s great that you have recognised the signs of depression and have taken the proactive step of posting here on the forums. Well done! Please try to hold onto the thought that your feelings are temporary and although you feel overwhelmed right now, you will feel better again.

You’ve said that you’re afraid you’ll end up doing something terrible if you don’t get the help you need. You don’t deserve to be alone with that feeling and there is help available. I understand you don’t have a phone to call a helpline, but Lifeline and eheadspace both have chat services and the Suicide Call Back Service offers online counselling. These services can help you cope with what you’re experiencing right now and can talk through your plans for seeking long term support from a psychologist.

Lifeline

eheadspace

Suicide Call Back Service

Do you think you’d be able to take yourself to see a psychologist? If you’re able to make an appointment with a regular doctor, they can provide you with a mental health treatment plan, which gives access to a Medicare rebate for up to ten sessions with a psychologist.

@misstiramisu, there are lots of people here on the Forums who I think have been in similar places to where you are now. Please keep posting and let us know how you’re doing.

[misstiramisu]

@Acacia My mum does everything for me so I have no idea where to go/what to do regarding seeing a psychologist. I've also tried chat sessions before but they never seem to work out. I just recently got disconnected from one without coming to a conclusion. I've also tried emailing various support sites but they only repeat what I've said to them, they never give me any help.

[Acacia]

Sorry it hasn't worked out with the chat services @misstiramisu. We have a chat service here at SANE and sometimes it drops out unpredictably. If that happens it's probably a technical issue rather than the service provider ending the chat, so it's probably worth reconnecting if you can.

It must be difficult to be dependent on your parents if they have their own challenges going on. I can understand how it would make it difficult to take that first step of getting to the doctor. Is it possible to get to the doctor on your own? Some psychologists also offer skype or telephone counselling. Do you think that might be an option for you?

[misstiramisu]

@Acacia I heard a new clinic opened up nearby that's within walking distance. I have a lot of difficulty socialising as well, so I've had to get mum to talk to everyone for me. Going to see someone myself will be incredibly hard.

[Appleblossom]

It is great that there is something in walking distance. @misstiramisu It means small steps towards self management and eventual independence is possible.

It is doable. It might be difficult and feel terrifying, but you can do it. Everybody has challenges.  Talking to counsellors is not the same as socialising ...  they will have skills to help you break through the early barriers of communicating. Things that are difficult can be taken one thing at a time. 

I love your name by the way.

[misstiramisu]

On top of feeling depressed, I've been under a lot of stress lately and don't know how to deal with it. With Christmas coming up I've been obsessing over what to spend my money on, going so far as to check a site daily to make sure the game I want hasn't gone up in price. I've also been feeling bad over being unable to buy anything for my friends.

[Acacia]

Christmas can definitely be a stressful time. You might like to take a look at our recent Topic Tuesday about finding the joy in Christmas. What is the game you want? I don't play video games myself, but there are other gamers here on the forums. I think @Jacques @Beaker_Batson @Crazy_Bug_Lady and @Brave1 all play games.

It sounds like you really want to show your friends they're special. If you're not able to buy them gifts, is there another way you could do that?

[Appleblossom]

Hi @misstiramisu

Glad you are posting here.

Sometimes it takes a while to find help that works for you.  Keep trying and keep faith in your right to be dealt with, with respect.

Often it is important in therapy not to jump in with too much advice. Feeding back their own ideas sometimes gives the client more clarity on what it is they want to do or the best way to proceed with their situation. When we are open and vulnerable we can be easily swayed and it is more important for a person to develop their own approach rather than get tailor made solutions to their problems.

Over time as you make more decisions about your own life your confidence will grow.

Christmas can be tough for lots of reasons.  Sometimes little quirky gifts can be better than expensive ones anyway ... Good luck with it all.

[misstiramisu]

@Acacia All of my friends live overseas so if I were to buy or make gifts for them it'd cost a lot just for shipping. I don't have much money since I'm not on the pension at the moment and have to rely on my parents to buy everything for me. I got money from family today for Christmas and I'm planning on buying new games for myself.