Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hello all,

Not long ago I left hospital. I didn’t know if I was ready but how would I ever know if I didn’t try?

Since I’ve been out I’ve been humiliated, misunderstood and am feeling less and less confident and just worthless.

I can’t concentrate, I’m tired too quickly, I’ve been told I’m not attractive anymore, I’ve been told, who would take the risk in employing me, I ask myself why was i born in the first place and what I should do in this world... I’m just back to where I was, but probably with even less confidence.

I contract with myself to stay safe. For now. I don’t think another stay in hospital will help this rotten feeling.

How do you keep yourself safe?

[Pepsimax]

@Former-Member DISTRACTION DISTRACTION DISTRACTION

[Appleblossom]

@Former-MemberI think contraction is fairly instinctive and natural when under threat.  I hope there will be better times and places and people to come out with and be more open with.

For me I have had trouble identifying threats. As in I stay in toxic situations and normalise them.  If you are clear, then that is a good thing. Dont take negative judgements into your sense of self, but stay away from the source.  

[Former-Member]

Thanks @Pepsimax and @Appleblossom

I was hoping that SC and SH thoughts would cease with new meds, but I don’t think meds can heal.

[Former-Member]

I’m afraid. Afraid of my old demons taking over. I can feel them in my life telling me how worthless I am and that I did deserve the abuse, trauma, losses. I feel it now. So many people have turned away. It’s easy to say they’re fake friends. It’s easy to say it’s their problem. But I’m the one living with the doubts. I have started to understand how ill i was / are. And I feel that’s why people rejected me, with every right, as I’m just not how I used to be.

[lola]

Hi Kirin.
Lola here, one of the moderators...checking in, as I am concerned about you. I will email you, take care
lola

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member

It does sound like you have been around the wrong people who are bringing you down. Don't hide your wonderful self - give them the flick and gravitate towards more positive individuals who will appreciate you for you. It does not matter what others think - it matters what we think about ourselves and the good we do that makes a difference. And those who appreciate the good we do and who we are - that opinion matters.

Please don't let negative experiences stop you from growing. Go out in spite of those who said "you can't" and give it your best shot. Good things do happen and is out there. You know the signs of toxic people now and who to avoid and keep at arms length to allow the good in and happier experiences to enjoy. That's how you keep safe and by believing in yourself. 

[Former-Member]

My phone battey is flat as me. Will keep safe.

[Annabelle4]

Hi @Former-Member. I know I’m only a Newby, but I understand where you’re at. I’ve been told all those things too.

Sometimes the only way I get by, is to say to myself, “I’ll just wait until I can speak to someone important to me (usually either my Mum and/or my doctor), then I’ll decide what to do”. So far, it’s worked every time.

When you’re not so down/depressed, it’s easier to get through. I know from bittersweet experience.

[Appleblossom]

@Former-MemberThe meds do not heal, they only take the edge off.  Your best bet is to build a MH care team that work productively with you and together you forge a life.

I have had to reflect that my circumstances and I were a lot more damaged than I realised.

Self doubt can be worked with, independently of social connection.  Our worth is not in being surrounded by friends.

Friends do come and go.

Keep reaching out through the self doubt and insecurity.

Take Care