Lived Experience Forum

[Shinra]

I am lost and hopeless I reach out for support only to fall deeper into the gaps of support services.

friends and family don't understand and i can't full express whats going on to another person

i have weeks of being great i can stay on track and then everything crumples. the past few days i have been so irrated and moody towards my partner it's creating serious problems in my relationship. i was diagnosed with bpd 2 years ago and since then i have spiraled out lost the faith of my friends and support networks when i talk to them about my issues they refer back that everyone has these issues and that 'i'm not special' i've had over 30 jobs none of which i can keep when i speak to people about how it's getting really bad and i need to see a doctor or get help they laugh about it.  my moods are debilitating me and i don't know whats going on i fear leaving the house and im scared im going to lose everthing. i can't consistantly earn money to pay for bills or get myself out of debt and everyweek it's another job a new place with new people. i can keep this up for a few weeks or maybe a month or two then everything collapses and i feel so hopeless and depressed i feel like im 6 people trying to head in 6 different directions and nothing makes me feel better anymore i don't know whats going on nor do i have to organisation or consistancy to remain in contact with support workers or they are bound by 9-5 hours. i work hospitality and can't even ask people around me about their experiences.i don't know how long i can keep this up and im just scared of the outcome

[TuxedoCat]

hey there @Shinra, welcome to the forums ❤️  Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it feels that those around us don't often understand. But these forums are full of people with lived experience and I hope you find community here with us ❤️ 

I thought I'd tag a few of our members who can share their experiences @BPDSurvivor and @tyme 

It sounds like you're feeling really misunderstood and ignored by people who are supposed to help you. That must feel really disempowering. And then to feel like all of this is a cycle that repeats it must feel like it might never end. I'm not sure if I'm understanding that correctly?

Its of course completely welcome if you want to vent and meet some others, but also let us know if there's anything else you need ❤️ 

[Shinra]

it feel like it will never end i have been stuck in this cycle for the past two years everytime i reach out my own turbulence makes it hard to remain consistant. thank you for your support though

[tyme]

Hi @Shinra  - thank you for sharing your story with us. As turbulent as things are for you, there is one thing constant. You know what that is? That things WILL be turbulent.

BPD is governed by whatever is happening in the environment. If something 'good' happens, then the world is 'good'. If something 'bad' happens, then the whole world is 'bad' - there is no in between.

The work in psychotherapy is about encouraging you to see that 'good' and 'bad' can sit together at the same time. Just because an element is 'bad', it doesn't mean EVERYTHING is bad. 

Do you have any specialist supports in place? I hear BPD is really making it difficult to function in society in terms of holding down a job etc.

However, research shows that BPD is 100% treatable. With the right targeted therapies, people can and do recover.

tyme