Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[dands26]

Not very many people do manage friends.
I guess we are a bit of an exception.
Evertbody we know together or seperately has expressed that there is no way they could do what we are doing if it was them.
In time things may change for you.
It hurts soo much.
Just because we have managed a friendship doesnt make it hurt any less.
It takes incredible strength sometimes to say goodbye and leave. Thats why i suggest focusing on you. If your not ready friends can destroy you just as much as anything else.
Find a new place, i used google to help me.
Those memories can still be talked about. It will hurt right now. But one day you will find total comfort telling a funny story to somebody that was a memory between you and your ex.

I had and still have certain things i couldnt do or wear.
A certain watch (which was my favourite)
A beautiful bottle of perfume
Etc.
Because of what they meant or made me remember about my ex.

[rosey]

Sorry if I sounded like I didn't think you were hurting. I can only imagine how much it must be hurting you. Every time I see him its like I revisit the moment he said 'I want to separate. I'm not in love with you anymore'. You strength is to be commended and is inspiring.

[dands26]

@rosey its okay you didn't sound like i wasnt hurting.
I was just trying to explain how friends isnt necessarily always an option because sometimes it is too hard and too painful.

[rosey]

Is it a stupid idea to invite him to my parents Christmas Day. We aren’t doing anything formal & he has no family to go to after breakfast. No idea what hell say. Half of me thinks I’m a idiot to think about it. The other half thinks no one should be alone on Christmas & couldn’t hurt.
I’m being naive aren’t I?

[Faith-and-Hope]

You have to put you first now @rosey ..... consider how it is going to impact you to make an offer like that if he accepts ......and what it will do to your parent's Christmas Day.

There are community outreach programs for Christmas Day lunch if you think he might go to that, just as an alternative suggestion.

It's not naive ..... you're a caring person, and this Christmas is very difficult under your changes circumstances. It is natural to try to make sense of, and peace with it .....

[rosey]

I guess I am kind of putting myself first by wanting to spend Christmas with him. But obviously this could really screw with me if he does come and it’s just for selfish or “friendship” reasons. And if he doesn’t show that may also cause crazy pain.
Last time we spoke about us he couldn’t tell me if this is for good or not & I still have no idea which way he is leaning which is doing my head in. Living in limbo Sux. I don’t know how much longer I can just keep waiting for him with the possibility of him never wanting to talk or the opposite pushing him and closing a door before he’s ready to decided.

[Faith-and-Hope]

If you think he is not ready to decide, but you do want him to stay, maybe simply ask him what he is doing for Christmas Day, and take it from there ?  

Opening the dialogue may begin to show you what you want to do .....

@rosey (@ symbol in front of the user name sends an email notification)

[dands26]

@rosey, sorry i havent posted back in a couple of days, been busy with my "friend"

How are you feeling?

Did you have a discussion about christmas? If so how did this go?

[rosey]

@dands26 no apology needed.
Just moved in with the parents and I dont think it’s a good decision. Living alone atm isn’t a good idea either but mum and I really don’t see eye to eye.

I see him tomorrow so was going to ask what his plans are then and offer however my mum doesn’t really want him here. She is hurt by him too but finds it easier to be angry at him rather than empathise with him.

So much instability in my life atm. Very little support and I miss him like crazy. Any Christmas talk just feels like knives in the heart.

Hope things have been ok with you.

[dands26]

@rosey i moved back in with my parents also, 

although we dont always see eye to eye, i think sometimes we forget our parents a from an era where mental illness was taboo, they also just try to protect us. 

My MIL is possibly going to unravel 6 weeks of progress, so im a little anxious about that. 

Otherwise all is well. 

I feel like a teenager saying this next sentence...

We had a sleepover last night... In seperate beds.