Welcome & getting started
Hi again @Talita 
. A bit to get through in that post.
I'm a little unclear about some aspects of your situation.
Has your boyfriend been actually asking you for financial support for the past 5 years, or have you just been assuming that he 'needs' financial support and so you've been heaping it on him? Because if, as you say, he just wants to live in a tent, then I can't see why he would need an awful lot of financial support for that.
Is it possible that you've all been throwing money at him for 5 years and, while you percieve that money as a debt/investment that ought to be repaid in financial/material terms, he might percieve that money as worthless and/or an obstacle that's gotten in the way of what he wants?
You say that you are "running on empty" - that you have no money left to give him. Does he understand that? How does he feel about that? Does he mind that you won't be giving him any more money, or is he okay with that? Is he the one in distress that he no longer has any money supply, or are you the only ones who are distressed about it? Would a future of bankruptcy and/or homelessness be satisfying for him? (It is for some)
@Talita wrote:..he doesn't believe in a job,
Why do you think he should? What benefit do you believe he will recieve from having a job? What I read in your post seems to suggest you are only focussed on how him having a job will be beneficial for you, i.e. it will allow him to help you with bills. But what does he get out of it? Money, I guess you will say. But what use is money to him? Is there something he wants to buy? Or are you just imposing expectations upon him that you know have a financial cost and that you expect him to fund himself (despite the fact that they are things that you, not he, wants)?
Is that the reason he exists? To be an additional financial income stream for the rest of you? And even if you don't believe this is your attitude, then is it unreasonable for him to percieve that this is your attitude towards him? Are your relationships with him predominantly dominated by your dissatisfaction with him being unable to make money?
BTW, it's been a long time since I've been in the system myself, but when I was a patient, they didn't arrange employment for patients that needed jobs; that was all left to the friends and family, ect. to sort out. There's been talk recently about incorporating a proper employment system into the mental health system, but I don't think that's been properly enacted yet. So you might find that the system won't even help him with employment at all.
I must admit, I get confused when I read:
@Talita wrote:we are not trying to change him.
because in the rest of your post, I see numerous expressions of displeasure about his behavior and inclinations.
@Talita wrote:We just want him to be independent
...
he doesn't believe in a job
...
He would rather live in a tent then get a job
...
he has a brilliant mind and want him to make use of it
...
...so, as I understand it... you want him to be 'independant'; to not live in a tent (and prefer not to live in a tent); and to believe that having a job is not only beneficial, but also important; to be more fixated on "making a living"; and to be committed to 'making use of his brilliant mind'... all of which is apparently contrary to how you would describe him as he is at the moment.
How is this not trying to change him? I'm very confused.
@Talita wrote:Morning, @chibam @ thank you for your comments, you actually sound exactly like him.
Well, I can't relate to him entirely. For example, the whole "living in a tent" thing, I just don't see the appeal of. Frankly, I personally would rather be six foot under. But in many other ways, I think I can relate to your boyfriend's concerns & grievances.
I hope I can provide some helpful insight, but keep in mind that I am not him. Just because I say something, doesn't mean that that accurately reflects his attitudes.
@Talita wrote:Good night @chibam
Maybe I don't want him to live in s tent, cause that would mean id have to.
That's a good first step. Relationships are all about compromise and it is absolutely fair for you to let him know that you really don't want to live in a tent and to ask him to opt to live with you in a house/apartment/ect. for your sake. Just so long as you are all honest about the fact that it is a concession that he is making.
Maybe one of the big issues he has with making that sacrifice is the fact that others refuse to acknowledge that it will be a sacrifice? And instead they choose to nonsensically insist that forcing him to make that sacrifice is a gesture of "helping" him. It would be like the power companies insisting that their customers should be grateful to them for raising their power bills.
But if you are willing to acknowledge the sacrifice, maybe he will be more inclined to respect it's importance to you, and do it to please you.
@Talita wrote:I just don't understand why you would continue to live with your Dad , and abuse them constantly, but won't leave them..5 years with them
Does he have anywhere else to go?
Maybe he hates living there, but he hasn't been given any offers or directions or advice on where else he could live.
And the trouble is, too, that even if he did get reassigned to a new address, is that reassignment being done with his needs and aspirations in mind? Or will it be done solely from the point-of-view of someone who is just looking to quickly and carelessly assign him any random four walls with a roof to sleep in? Because he'll probably only get one shot at being reassigned a new residance, so he'll probably be really anxious about it being a complete disaster - from his point of view. And if he's had a lot of difficulty getting genuine help from the rest of the world for so long, no doubt those anxieties will only be that much larger.
@Talita wrote:I joined the last 2 yrs..we all live together.
As I said earlier, there's a lot about your boyfriend's situation that I can't relate to. I don't have the benefit of a girlfriend myself, so obviously that's gonna create a major differance between the dynamics of his situation and mine.
Maybe it would help to get him to talk about his ideal "home" situation, and work towards making that a reality?
Who does he want to be a mainstay in his life? Who does he want to get out of his life?
If he must sacrifice his dream of living in a tent, then what sort of dwelling is his 2nd choice? And 3rd? And 4th?
Can he describe the environment/community he'd most like to live amongst? Who does he want to spend his days with? What does he want to spend his days doing? What does he expect from the community around him and what does he want to contribute to that community? What sort of standards does he want to live amongst? What does he wish to be able to say and do without being looked down upon by those around him? What sort of characteristics does he wish were more commonplace amongst those around him, so that he could have people to bond with over those shared attitudes/interests?
Hope all is well.
