Lived Experience Forum

[Talita]

@chibam I also wanted to add that I'm doing well here.. I'm working and picking up the pieces something I'm proud off..very hard to start all over again.  The family had been in accommodating me and taking care of me whilst I was jobless..so now I'm helping them in return to share bills....but I guess what more can I do , as the man I care about seems to be falling apart in front of me and I can't fix it..dont know how to..

Ok..Yeah.. gotta go..ive said enough..so much I wanted to say, I guess..so much I keep inside and looking at a brighter tomorrow with hope and faith.🙏 

[Corny]

Hi @Talita You say he is verbally abusive, that is not acceptable irregardless of what is diagnosis is, and just because I have a mental illness of my own doesn't mean I don't feel scared when in the presence of someone in psychosis who is aggressive, threatening people and putting people down. Men do tend to have more of this. Maybe it is genetic/physiological but at my absolute worst I was more catatonically paralysed. Psychosis isn't special to schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, but it is generally a bloody long haul. You disappear for months, you fall off the planet. For me I was never the same, my nervous system went to a whole other level of fragility and inability to cope with stress. Stress is used very broadly with mental illness, too much sensory overload is like nails down the chalkboard scratching on your brain. 

The way I see it no matter what the situation is, with drugs, without drugs you have to pull away from this relationship dynamic while he gets better on his own. Why on earth would he bother developing any self sufficiency when you are there to do everything for him, wait on him hand and foot and pay for everything. Even on a human level, where is his pride. I could never be a kept women, you are not his mother. 

Maybe being a carer makes you feel needed, and you like that fact that he can't survive without you, it fulfils something in you. If he was to survive on his own you would lose some of your identity. The current status quo is not sustainable otherwise you could break too. 

Corny

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Talita 

Good you are managing with your job.  It would be anxiety provoking for you to be in a new country and tend to make you more dependent on his family.  It does not sound like he really wants to live in a tent, but has wasted a lot of money.  Money is an important issue that he will have to face with or without you.  Take good care of you, learn about his condition and put in the best boundaries for self protection.

Apple

[chibam]

Hi @Talita . Glad to hear that your doing well.

It sounds like your boyfriend has a difficult history with money. I can't help but wonder if that plays a role in his currant lack of interest in it? If his relationship with his ex was ruined because she stole his money, then maybe he doesn't want to ever have money ever again, so that nobody can ever betray him like that again?

If so, I can sort of relate to that. I hate money myself; or, it would be more fair to say that I hate the way it effects relationships. Don't get me started on the blight of money and our society, or I'll be chewing your ear off all day...😏

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@Talita wrote:

..when his not spaced out from medics and isn't agitated..

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That's rough. It's probably worth keeping in mind - if he is on such heavy meds - that the things he says to you might not necessarily be him, it may be the meds talking. I know that the last thing you need right now is more confusion and ambiguity thrown in to the important conversations you'll need to have with him now. But unfortunately, that's what meds can do a lot of the time, make it even more difficult to communicate then it was before.

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@Talita wrote:

I feel like I'm rambling on..but yeah.. that's where I'm at..

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Don't worry. This is a good place for rambling. Feel free to say whatever you need to say.

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@Talita wrote:

Have a good day

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You too.