Lived Experience Forum

[BlueBay]

Ffs I wish my hubby would just shut up 😢😢

and ....  I hate been taken advantage of 

[Adge]

Thank you @Whitehawk

Yes, kind & caring people there definitely are - I am one of them.

My Disability work with high needs & challenging behaviours - means that I've been in the front line of many recent happenings.

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[Former-Member]

Feeling troubled about something that happened a few years ago now. It really makes me feel so very sad. 

When I was going through a really difficult time in my life. I had a little dog. He was pretty cute. He use to get out of our fenced yard a lot by digging under the fence. We tried to keep him in by putting bricks in places that he use to dig. The neighbours across the road reported us to someone. We had to keep our dog tethered up on a long lead. It was so very sad to see him like that. He was an outside dog too. As my hubby did not want a dog inside.

Anyway during that time and even before that, like I said I was not in a good place. Well I neglected him. He was not given enough baths, not taken for walks and not talked too or patted much at all. He had food and water. But not other kinds of love. And he just did not seem like a happy dog at all. But during that time it did not really register in my brain or heart much. I felt very far away. Distant. 

I did not take care of him properly and did not love him the way that he needed. When I think about it now, it makes me feel so very sad. Like how could I be do cruel?

One day he got out somehow maybe on a day he was not tethered up. We did look for him, put signs up. He was missing for a couple of days. We then found him in the RSPCA. He did not seem glad to see me. He just looked sad himself. He was never the same dog after that time in the RSPCA. It's all just so very sad it breaks my heart. I mean why did I not take him for walks every day and pay and talk to him. He properly would have been happier. 

True there was some times I took him for a walk and sometimes I washed him. But not a regular thing. 

He passed away not long after he came back from the RSPCA. He even had fear in his eyes when he came back. I do remember seeing that. It broke my heart. He was properly so very scared. I had never seen fear in his eyes before that. And wondered what he went through. Even as I write this I feel like crying.

Just before he passed away at the vets, I asked him to forgive me. Forgive me for not taking good care of him and loving him properly. He was buried wrapped up in a small quilt in our backyard. 

I do try to remember some happy times with him, and there was some when he was younger. 

But the fear I saw in his eyes so much breaks my heart 

[Former-Member]

I want out of this love not here life. I feel so sad, crippled, trapped, alone, grieved, tired. defeated, hurt, lonely, frustrated, angry, ugly, fat, stuck, fearful, shamed, many tears, irritated, rejected and so very sad. It hurts so much. 

[Adge]

Cancellation of social supports is bad for our mental health, including attendees of my MH Lunch Group (the Organiser said) – when the church care organisation cancelled it.

This has been one of the most isolating (isolated) few days that I can remember having – no supports or contacts left, as they are face-to-face groups (not via telephone).

Overwhelm has stripped me of (taken away) my ability to practice Essential Self-Care, or to problem-solve - eg how to obtain food supplies that I don’t have.

Phone Helplines I cannot use.

In this situation, emotional survival & emotional coping strategies are Top Priority – Nothing else.

Things have to improve -  No I am definitely not referring to my mood or MH state.

I am referring to normal social services, social groups, & shops actually having food (stock) on the shelves to buy.

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[Millieme]

feeling just so alone. losing everything more and more. world is just too much to cope with and im terrified for my kids. terrified of not being able to manage being even more completely alone and not even see ppl at work. noone to call, noone who knows me. all of the things that were 'coming' in the future for support hae gone. lost gp they are very reasonably scared of and protecting their family from covid19, new psychologist who ive only seen once and was waiting for further apptointments lives across a now closed border. im apparently an unsuitable client for skype because of disociation. med change that was supposed to happen in april is being 'reviewed' by psychiatrist because im not coping and not sure if its a good idea to do on my own. but even i think will probably lead to my s. as i am so low i dont know how i will go with going off of one and then slowly onto something else that may or may not work. just too tired to try anymore.

[Eucalypt]

Hi @Millieme ,

You are certainly not alone in feeling terrified and wondering what the future holds for you and your kids. 

With so much uncertainty and disruption to our usual routines – it's important to be gentle on ourselves Millieme. I can hear that among all the worry about covid-a9 and what it may mean for you and your loved ones you're also worried about an upcoming medication change. I'll send you an email in a moment to check that you are safe this evening. 

Take care Millieme

[Former-Member]

I have had enough. I feel angry. Why can't he understand. He has sprayed and wiped so may things with a highly chemical stuff in our house. To gell germs he said. 

It's toxic and full of poison. I can taste it in my mouth. A metallic taste. My body does not cope with chemicals, man made fragrance. And I am trying desperately to heal my body from possible cancer. These  chemicals are cancer promoting in your body. 

I have kindly and gently asked him before if he could not use them in the house. 

Why doesn't he understand how it affects me. Smelling the stuff  now. Its in my mouth.

It just makes me fearful.. 

Cannot take it anymore. 

[Adge]

I'm having difficulties accessing the forums.

Not my internet (or computer).

It took 30 minutes for the site to come up, so I could log in.

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[Snowie]

I was asked if I was exaggerating what happened to me

I was asked if my mind was just making it up

I was told that my mental illness and hospital stays were detrimental to my children who need the old me back

I was told that I have ripped a family apart

I was asked did I even think about christmas day, mothers day, etc when I made this decision

I was told its my fault that they cannot see their grandchildren

Other peoples words and actions are hurtful

They bring about lots of shame and guilt for me

They make me question myself

They make me not want to be in this world anymore

I want to say goodbye to everything and everyone

Words hurt, think before you speak