26-03-2020 02:00 PM
26-03-2020 11:06 PM
I have another chance in life.
27-03-2020 08:49 AM - edited 27-03-2020 09:05 AM
Hi @Appleblossom Just my feelings - if I were in the same situation - I'd be distancing myself a bit from this person. Especially if you're waking up at night due to concerns about her words/behaviour. And also I sense that she may be more concerned about keeping her income coming in than that you actually need twice a week. Remember, especially when it comes to your NDIS money, you have 'choice and control' - if you feel 2 x benefits you then persist, but as a professional she shouldn't be bringing her personal beliefs into her communications with you. Commenting on your clothing the way she did is out of order too. Just my opinion here, not telling you what you should do.
@Aeiou glad you are still with us.
Hope today is as good as it can be for all here.
Through all of my ramblings
from heaven to hell,
it never occurred to me
that right here, right now
was one of the options.
27-03-2020 02:42 PM - edited 27-03-2020 07:41 PM
Thank you for your timely reply. @eth
My psychologist called today, and we came to similar conclusions.
In some ways it is only a small thing, but the HUGE thing for me is having people listen to me long enough, understanding my situation, and simply being able to discuss it. My learning edge seems all about boundaries ...
[edit re anon]
27-03-2020 05:30 PM - edited 27-03-2020 07:37 PM
Its a roller coaster ride we live us creative bipolar people. Ive been offline for a couple of days editing and polishing my competition short story entry. I made the submission ten minutes ago and its gone. I'm relieved and am just OVER IT. I am sick of the sight of it.
Its been a task Ive wanted to do for over twelve months. Its now done. BIG TICK ✅ Once the entry was complete I had to sedate myself and sleep for a few hours. Then I could do the final checks and make the submission. (I was in a bit of a state.)
Hearing about your creative journey is a privilege. Thank you. Like you when my mind is unstable it becomes a bucking horse that can be out of control. These times for me I have output that is erratic or that doesn't happen. I don't get mania as I'm bipolar 2. I just fall into a massive turbulent black hole. Similar but different chaos.
I love reading poetry but writing it is not my thing. One of my favourite poets is Aileen Kelly who I knew as a friend. It's exciting to have poetry competion wins awarded. Your writing when judged by other poets must be high quality to win.
Writing fiction for me it just pours out, "writing itself'. Funny thing if I get serious and attempt to write well it all becomes rubbish. The only way for me is to relax and write like you are throwing it away. Then the magic happens.
I need to catch up on sane posts but for the rest of today I'm going to rest and look after myself.
27-03-2020 07:36 PM
Hearing about some of your creative journey is a privelege. @WriterMelb I know a lot of people in writing in Melb, vollied at Writ Vic etc etc...
@ethknows enough of my history to realise why I might be conflicted and serious about it, rather than competitive. I am extremely sensitive to aspects in competition that are destructive rather than generative, in both music and literature and personality development.
Aileen Kelly sounds very interesting. Thx for sharing about her.
27-03-2020 08:21 PM - edited 27-03-2020 08:22 PM
Hey @Appleblossom I logged on and saw you had tagged me 4 times so I came straight here - you're BIG news seems to have disappeared, but I saw it and I know how good that migh be feeling, such a huge relief for you. Better late than never, tho' I understand what a toll it took for your son. Let's catch up on A long rave if you want to talk more about that.
Also really get how you feel about competition/competitiveness and it's less ideal aspects at times. It's not for everyone, and is new for me - for me it's not about being 'better than' but about feeling I have something to offer with my words - I don't have much else that I offer the world these days. Part of our family programming is to 'contribute something to the body of knowledge' and I guess that's still driving me at some deep level.
Your writing is your writing and I always appreciate the way you do it. And I think I understand your motivations a little by now. Best wishes for getting clearer about the boundaries you want and whether or not you want to continue with the writing group.
@WriterMelb thanks for your sharing about how writing is for you too. And about how bipolar 2 is for you. I'll def look at Aileen's poetry. Good on you for hitting the send button with your story. I agree about writing as if you were throwing it away - I had an online teacher YehYeh Louisa Tesh who suggested actually getting a nice bin and lining it with scented bag (I have lavender) and putting in it any scribbles that you don't turn into a honed work. Then coming back to it periodically for inspiration. It works for me. I sometimes do what I call 'splurge' writing - just pour it out without analysis or edit, or concern about anyone else seeing it - I think it's quite a healing thing to do.
Heading over to the The Weekly Friday Feast now for a bit, but will be around for a while if either of you are wanting to chat.
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