30-11-2018 11:44 AM
I am new to this whole speaking on a forum thing but i wanted to see if anyone has had the same feeling.
i was diagnosed with ocd at 20 i am now 27
my first major spike scared the absolute poo out of me i lived in fear and anxiety that i would become my thoughts even know i knew who i was and the thoughts were not a reflection of me as a person. Alot of time crying in the shower on my way to work didn’t tell anyone because of the subject of the thoughts was horrible until i said to myself “I am sick of this” i need help from that point of i seen 4 physiologists (they were a team) i told them my story a few days later they came back and said you have OCD was like a weight off my shoulders i was still scared and anxious but i felt better....fast forward till now
i had been feeling good the last 6-7 years i still had thoughts but wasn’t as anxious and if i was it didn’t last long until.. I finally quit my 10 year habit of smoking cigarettes then after a couple of weeks BANG crippling anxiety ocd running wild scared im going to lose touch with reality and become schizophrenic and deluded i have never been diagnosed with a phycosis and my physiatrist said I don’t show signs of it but the outrageous doubt this illness it makes me feel is shocking makes be doubt the most basic things the worst one is scared i will think my son is not mine when i watched him enter this world and has always been the highlight of my life i understand its all in my head and unrealistic but wow the feeling of doubt it no good im sorry about the long message it could have been longer to be Honest haha
02-12-2018 03:16 AM
Hi Anxious Me,
i empathise so much with your OCD and the fear you have of your worries even though you understand this is coming from distorted thinking from your usual thoughts.
I know with my OCD it only flares up when I'm under a great lot of extra stress, especially when I'm feeling angry at someone I feel I shouldn't be angry at too.
Can you identify maybe several things which might have triggered off these thoughts you're having now? Maybe quitting smoking was one destabilising thing (even though cigarettes give us chemicals which cause us to be more anxious, they're still extremely addictive as you well know). Sometimes other things too like your living situation being less stable, or a relationship having problems, or financial or health troubles, can all be possible contributors to OCD flaring up. Usually it is several things at once, but sometimes it's just one thing.
Whatever has caused it, it looks like you could use some good professional support by a person or a team who understand OCD well and understand how it impacted your life earlier. Stability in Day to day life looks especially important for you right now too.
I'm glad you wrote to us here! We are here to listen. Let us know how you go seeking help, if it helps you to process it by updating us.
Thinkng of you! Wishing you gentleness.
Love from Twerp.
02-12-2018 09:08 AM
@Twerp thank you for your reply
I am seeing a a professional every few weeks and am on antidepressants only 3 and half weeks on them tho so they haven’t kicked it yet im guessing lol
Its just like a back and forth with my brain at the moment i am optimistic i will come out of this slump as i have before i think the worst thing about my flair up is the feeling of dread and doubt but i know thats just my ocd trying to trick me and make it feel real but its still frustrating haha should of just stayed in the smokes i was alright fine then haha
02-12-2018 12:22 PM
09-12-2018 11:03 PM
13-12-2018 07:25 PM
I can really relate to the constant worry of becoming your thoughts. I have the same sort of worries that one day I’ll become schizophrenic or have a psychosis etc. along with a lot of other awful things too.
its interesting, rationally we know we’ll never end up this way or do the things we’re thinking... but there’s always that bloody doubt! It drives me nuts! I’m ALWAYS thinking/worrying about something even during times when I shouldn’t be and should be relaxing.
I do have sort of “on” and “off” periods too like you when it gets worse when I’m stressed out.
Great to know that someone else feels this way. It’s very comforting knowing I’m not going nuts and that it’s just OCD doing it’s thing. Definitely good to take a step back and say... “it’s not me, it’s OCD” sometimes.
14-12-2018 12:02 PM - edited 18-12-2018 11:38 AM
@Valerie1 You can be reassured that OCD/Anxiety can not turn into Schizophrenia lol i no because I researched it and my psyc told me haha tho the anxiety might make us feel like we are “losing our mind” we are not I remember when i first got diagnosed 7 years ago my big fear was turning into something im 100% not and my anxiety made it feel so real i was an emotional wreak thats what made me seek help and finally get my diagnosis of OCD was scary times but i pulled thru and got over my stupid irrational fear and so will you. My psyc also that Im 27 if i was schizophrenic i would have been diagnosed by now lol
18-12-2018 09:32 PM
@AnxiousMe Oh. I hate feeling anxious at the best of times let alone feeling anxious frequently as you must. I'm sorry to hear that, and I hope things get better for you. I have Schizophrenia so where most people wish for a miracle, I depend on a miracle to make me well. I guess you must feel like that sometimes too. Take care and Love and Light.
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